Become a Great Leader, Not Just a Boss - Part 3

As part of my signature programme I coach many clients and I am frequently asked to advise on ways of improving their leadership skills. I thought I would share my best tips in a series of posts. (Click for Part 1 and Part 2.)

Here are another four quick tips:

Be self-motivated

Lead by example: those around you will pick up on your positive energy and motivation. You will create a team of self-motivated, proactive and energised people. Constantly take the initiative and always be willing to do more than the job you have been given. Doing more is an opportunity for you to practice more, and also a way to build your reputation.

Forgive people
Don’t hold grudges or be resentful. Treat every day as a lesson in experience and enjoy the lifelong learning. By asking – “what have we learned?” you re-frame negative past experiences into positives for learning and makes you a stronger leader.

Be happy and enjoy the success of others

Celebrate the achievements of those around you and enjoy spending time in the company of those who are successful and are achievers. It will be a great motivator for you and will attract happiness and success.

Treat obstacles as challenges which are a learning opportunity
A wise person said, “There are no problems, only opportunities”. Grab the opportunity to learn whenever you face a challenge. Enjoy the learning, because you know that you will gain something from it.

These skills can be learned and developed. You might already use these skills in your working life, but you might feel you can improve on them too. I can provide training, coaching or refreshers in how to improve your use of these skills, for your benefit and that of those around you.

Give me a call on 01497 820520 or email sallyherdman1@gmail.com to find out more.

Become a Great Leader, Not Just a Boss - Part 2

Skills Tips, Part 2

As part of my signature programme I coach many clients and I am frequently asked to advise on ways of improving their leadership skills. I thought I would share my best tips in a series of posts. (For Part 1, click here.)

Here are another four quick tips:

Always ask for and reflect on feedback
Feedback is a very useful tool in the development of the whole team. As the leader, you can set a great example for all your team to follow. Encouraging feedback makes the team feel they are listened to and opens the channels for positive, two-way communication. If you accept all feedback, and reflect and respond to it, you will learn and develop as a leader. At the same time your team will be following your lead and learning the positives of feedback loops.

Recognise the times when you need to behave differently
Do you struggle to get your views across to your team and make yourself understood? What’s the feedback from your presentations like? If you get feedback indicating your public speaking needs work, have you got the capability to make changes? Have you got the required skills or do you know where to go to get training and development and respond to those challenges? We can only change our own behaviour, so it is important to recognise the times when we need to behave differently and take action.

Believe in yourself
When the going gets tough you might find yourself thinking that only certain people are successful and great leaders, and you’re not one of them. Write down all the reasons why you should succeed and read through them every day. Start with 20 reasons: keep it simple to start with, for example, “I come to work every day”, and add at least two more reasons every day. This will bolster your self-belief and remove any negative feelings as to why you shouldn't be a successful leader.

There’s no I in Team 
I know this is a cliché, but is your behaviour tied up in your sense of self? Maybe you find it difficult to speak to your team as a leader because you dislike being the centre of attention. Take small steps to change this and do something different. Make different members of the team your centre of attention. Be interested in them and the challenges they face at work and how they manage. Gradually you will find that you will be the centre of their attention and that you have a more balanced view of how that feels. Your dislike of attention will disappear and interacting with the team becomes an enjoyable part of the day.

These skills can be learned and developed. You might already use these skills in your working life, but you might feel you can improve on them too. I can provide training, coaching or refreshers in how to improve your use of these skills, for your benefit and that of those around you.

Give me a call on 01497 820520 or email sallyherdman1@gmail.com to find out more.

Become a Great Leader, Not Just a Boss

Skills Tips, Part 1

As part of my signature programme I coach many clients and I am frequently asked to advise on ways of improving their leadership skills.  I thought I would share my best tips in a series of posts. These aren't in any order of priority, just as they came into my mind.

Here are four quick tips:

1. Be adaptable to change

There will be instances when you will need to make changes and be flexible in response to circumstances.  If you adapt to change quickly and easily you will not waste energy being affected by negative emotions such as frustration. 

2. Look at problems from a fresh perspective

Change desks or chairs or do something different to give you a different view on a problem.  If the accounts department has a problem, ask to sit in their chair so you can see the issue from that perspective.  While you work to appreciate their perspective, ask them to sit at your desk and see the problem the way it seems to you.

3. Don’t complain

Complaining is such a drain of energy.  It is very negative and it doesn't solve any problems.  Look forward and up the road to see the best possible way forward and focus all your energy on travelling in that direction. You will find that if you don’t complain, others won’t.

4. Be willing to help others

Be keen to help others in your team or your business.  Take time to ask everyone - from the coffee maker and cleaners to the executives - “How may I help you?”  Your example will cascade throughout your company and a very positive, helpful ethos will develop.  It will also be fun!

These skills can be learned and developed. You might already use these skills in your working life, but you might feel you can improve on them too. I can provide training, coaching or refreshers in how to improve your use of these skills, for your benefit and that of those around you.

Give me a call on 01497 820520 or email sallyherdman1@gmail.com to find out more.

What stops us from taking up new challenges?

We are all creatures of habit and feel comfortable following our routines. They are safe - if a little boring at times!

Business is the same: we keep doing what we do because it is what we know and are comfortable with. However, it may not be the most lucrative way to earn a living and can seriously hamper business success. What’s stopping us? Fear!

Fear of failure very often prevents us from being creative and stepping out of our comfort zone in the business world. Innovation is lost and we stagnate in our orderly world. It is often the precursor to the death of a business.

How do we overcome the fear and take on new challenges and try new things?

Start by doing something on a regular basis which is out of your comfort zone. Do something really small at first. For example, try walking down the street on the opposite side to the one you normally choose. Or reverse the order you put on your shoes or move your desk to a different part of the room. Little challenges which you overcome easily will give you confidence to move to bigger tasks without feeling stressed and anxious. Sit in a different part of the room from your usual spot, and take a look at your business from a different perspective.

Start looking for new and different challenges. Every time you take on a new challenge and conquer it you will get a satisfying rush of endorphins. Now the uncomfortable will become an exciting opportunity rather than a fearful experience to hide from. Write down all the benefits to you and your business of taking up new challenges and getting more creative and pin them beside your desk as a reminder.

Make 2016 the year you get comfortable with being uncomfortable!

A New Year - New Challenges, New Outcomes

Did you approach 2016 with the thought that you wanted to make changes, sell your business and move onto new challenges in the near future?

Are you thinking of retiring or handing the business on to the kids in the next 10 or 20 years?

What if you have just started a business and are full of enthusiasm for all you are going to achieve?

You may have started out with an image of what your business would look like when it is running successfully, but have you thought about what you want your business exit to look like? The ending seems very unimportant at the outset compared to the immediate demands of generating sales and an ongoing income. However, if you pay no attention to this, it could be that you end up with a job for life, as you still need an income and the business can’t manage without you. It’s very flattering to think you are indispensable, but it isn't really the path to a guaranteed income in retirement and some time to do those things on the bucket list!

The other risk is that you will have a business of no interest and value to prospective investors or buyers when you want to move on or retire. Those with small businesses have put all their hopes, dreams and energies into building up sales and generating an ongoing income but they can become too close to the business and find that they haven’t invested the time and money to ensure the business continues to evolve and is still an attractive proposition.

While you are pondering your New Year resolutions and outcomes you are looking to achieve in 2016, it is worth spending a few minutes jotting down your exit plans!

I have a proven track record in advising businesses, from starting up to exiting, and I can guide you through the best way to capitalise on all the skill, effort and expertise you have invested in your business.

I'm hosting a webinar on how to ‘Sell your Business for Maximum Value’ on Wednesday 3rd February 2016 at 12.00pm (UK time). You can find out more and register here. If you're unable to make that date, still register and I'll keep you informed of other times.

Thinking of a business exit strategy?

What’s your best way out for a happier future?

I'm working on a new program around the issue - or problem - of business exit strategies. Recently I have been working with decision makers, owners of businesses and mostly men aged 50+ who are thinking about selling their business - or just doing something different.

Often an event has precipitated this new line of thinking, or they want to sell their business to finance their dreams - because they have big dreams! If this sounds like you, or anyone you know, it would be great to talk with you to get your insights into this issue.

Please call (01497 820 520) or message me so we can make an appointment for a ten-minute conversation.

I look forward to speaking with you.

Are there any short cuts to your 'personal summit'?

What amazing things could you do in your life if you could overcome your fears?

Butterfly Group Meeting Wednesday, 20 May 2015 from 6.30pm to 8.30pm in Hereford

Your irrational fears could be holding you back in achieving what you really want out of your life. Don’t let these fears conquer you.

Join us on Wednesday and learn some key steps to boost your courage, motivation, self-esteem and confidence.

If it's your first time joining us, there's no need to pay. Please contact me for more information by phone - M: 07831 379562 T: 01497 820520.

If you can’t make the meeting, you can keep up to date with future ones by signing up to our mailing list – see the link on the right hand side.

About the Butterfly Group

Many women suffer from a lack of confidence or low self-esteem that keeps them stuck in less than satisfactory relationships and jobs. Financial pressures and family responsibilities can also make life seem hard. If this sounds familiar to you, isn't it imperative that you take some time out for yourself to learn what it is you really want out of life?

Debs Adams and I started the Butterfly Group as a way for women to meet and work out life's challenges together. Our group helps women support each other through monthly meetings held in Hereford. Each meeting focuses on a particular theme or issue to which all women can relate in one way or another. We offer coaching in a supportive environment in order to help you define your goals and make positive life changes. You owe it to yourself to reconnect with your dreams and ambitions.

If you are looking to enrich yourself in the company of like-minded women, our group meetings may be just what you are seeking. Imagine living life to the fullest and having the confidence to do all of the things you have always wanted to do!

Discover the wonderful benefits of Neuro Linguistic Programming

Basic NLP Techniques – Butterfly Group Meeting
Monday, 27 April 2015 from 6.30pm to 9pm in Hereford

"When you want new results, it requires new thinking."

Wise words indeed from the co-founder of NLP, Dr Richard Bandler. Join us this Monday evening for a taster of how NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) can help you - often with immediate results.

NLP is about the ability to discover and change the way we communicate (internally, with ourselves, and externally, with others) in order to achieve your specific and desired outcomes.

"You are not responsible for the programming you picked up in childhood. However, as an adult, you are 100% responsible for fixing it." ~ Ken Keyes

If it's your first time joining us, there's no need to pay. Please contact me for more information by phone - M: 07831 379562 T: 01497 820520.

If you can’t make the meeting, you can keep up to date with future ones by signing up to our mailing list – see the link on the right hand side.

About the Butterfly Group

Many women suffer from a lack of confidence or low self-esteem that keeps them stuck in less than satisfactory relationships and jobs. Financial pressures and family responsibilities can also make life seem hard. If this sounds familiar to you, isn't it imperative that you take some time out for yourself to learn what it is you really want out of life?

Debs Adams and I started the Butterfly Group as a way for women to meet and work out life's challenges together. Our group helps women support each other through monthly meetings held in Hereford. Each meeting focuses on a particular theme or issue to which all women can relate in one way or another. We offer coaching in a supportive environment in order to help you define your goals and make positive life changes. You owe it to yourself to reconnect with your dreams and ambitions.

If you are looking to enrich yourself in the company of like-minded women, our group meetings may be just what you are seeking. Imagine living life to the fullest and having the confidence to do all of the things you have always wanted to do!

Are you on track to achieve your dreams this year?

Progress & Presentations - Butterfly Group meeting

Wednesday, 18 March 2015 from 6.30pm to 9pm in Hereford

We're already two months into 2015. How are you getting on with your goals that you've set for this year? Have you managed to stick to your New Year's resolutions?! Join us on Wednesday 18 March to report progress (or lack of it if you wish to share that!), and gain lots of hints and tips to get back on track with any goals that you may be struggling with.

Please contact me for more information or sign up on my website.

About the Butterfly Group

Many women suffer from a lack of confidence or low self-esteem that keeps them stuck in less than satisfactory relationships and jobs. Financial pressures and family responsibilities can also make life seem hard. If this sounds familiar to you, isn't it imperative that you take some time out for yourself to learn what it is you really want out of life?

Debs Adams and I started the Butterfly Group as a way for women to meet and work out life's challenges together. Our group helps women support each other through monthly meetings held in Hereford. Each meeting focuses on a particular theme or issue to which all women can relate in one way or another. We offer coaching in a supportive environment in order to help you define your goals and make positive life changes. You owe it to yourself to reconnect with your dreams and ambitions.

If you are looking to enrich yourself in the company of like-minded women, our group meetings may be just what you are seeking. Imagine living life to the fullest and having the confidence to do all of the things you have always wanted to do!

Communication, Emotional Intelligence and Personal Development Course - April 2015

Do you want to improve your communication skills, advance your personal development and perform to your maximum potential both at home and at work? Do you want to unlock the secrets of Emotional Intelligence and NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) to give you the ability to communicate at a level above the spoken word?

We can help you to help yourself with our 'Communication, Emotional Intelligence and Personal Development course' which will run over two weekends in April 2015 at Clyro Hill Farm.

What Will You Learn?

The course will equip you with all the necessary tools to reach your goals; your communication skills will become more dynamic, and after learning about body language and facial expressions you'll gain a deeper understanding of your own emotions. Your self-awareness will increase, giving you the power to boost your performance and self-confidence.

Who Can Attend?

If you want add some sparkle to your communication and maximise your performance levels in a way that really gets results, this course is for you!

What Else do I Need to Know?

This feature-packed, four-day course will be held over two weekends in April (11/12 and 25/26). The price is fully inclusive of reading and study materials, lunch and refreshments during training.

Please take a look here for full details and give me a call if you'd like to know more - 01497 820 520.

Qualifications & Credit Framework
An optional accredited assessment is available for the course for £225. This includes all materials, assessment, support and accreditation. There are four units in the award. Three of the units are at Level 3 and qualify for three credits each. The fourth unit is at Level 2 and qualifies for three credits. This requires successful completion of a reflective diary/log during and after the course. For more information on the QCF please click here.

What could you achieve with a boost to your health, well-being and vitality?

Health & Well-being - Butterfly Group meeting

Wednesday, 18 February 2015 from 6.30pm to 9pm in Hereford

What could you achieve with a boost to your health, well-being and vitality? Flourish in February with our session on how you can fire on all cylinders and lose that lethargy! Ditch those dreaded diets and learn top tips to keep your energy high. Do you have questions about your 'Health & Wellbeing'? Come and join us at February’s Butterfly Group meeting.

Please contact me for more information or sign up on my website.

About the Butterfly Group

Many women suffer from a lack of confidence or low self-esteem that keeps them stuck in less than satisfactory relationships and jobs. Financial pressures and family responsibilities can also make life seem hard. If this sounds familiar to you, isn't it imperative that you take some time out for yourself to learn what it is you really want out of life?

Debs Adams and I started the Butterfly Group as a way for women to meet and work out life's challenges together. Our group helps women support each other through monthly meetings held in Hereford. Each meeting focuses on a particular theme or issue to which all women can relate in one way or another. We offer coaching in a supportive environment in order to help you define your goals and make positive life changes. You owe it to yourself to reconnect with your dreams and ambitions.

If you are looking to enrich yourself in the company of like-minded women, our group meetings may be just what you are seeking. Imagine living life to the fullest and having the confidence to do all of the things you have always wanted to do!

Connect More With Rapport

Rapport. That word kept popping into my mind in the last few days. What is that stuff anyway? How does it help me? Today the horses taught me what rapport is! It is that wonderful feeling of being in the company of a like-minded being and having an absolute understanding and respect for each other. A friend’s horses showed me how easy and quick it is to create that feeling.

He had bought a couple of young foals last year who hadn’t been touched by humans very much. They have run free and fairly wild and have been untouchable all year. We decided we would take time to get them more used to people as they are now getting quite large, and it would be helpful for my friend if he could manage to catch them to trim their feet and move them easily from field to field. I went over to his farm today and initially we herded them into an old pen with a reasonably high fence and a division down the middle.

Obligingly one young horse went each into side of the division so I could have one-to-one! I went to the first youngster and straight away she put her ears back, dashed off to the corner and stood with her back to me and a leg poised. I thought her intention was very clear – ‘stay away!’ I decided to move away to the opposite corner and turn my back on her. As I did that, she turned and walked down the pen to another corner, so I copied her behaviour on the opposite side of the pen. I kept this up for a couple of minutes. Every time she moved, I mirrored her on the opposite side of the pen.

Then I decided to move first, and turned and walked across the pen with my back to her. Just after I started moving, so did the horse, and instead of mirroring me on the opposite side of the pen, she followed me to my corner. Without looking at her I turned and crossed the pen diagonally, and there she was, a couple of feet away, following me. From that moment we spent five minutes together and she shadowed my every move. Well, actually the pen was quite small, so I’m not sure who was mirroring who some of the time! We seemed to be absolutely in tune with each other and had formed some kind of bond of trust very quickly. I felt she understood me and I understood her. I moved to the other pen and saw the other young horse.

This time there was no stand-off to begin with. I listened to her (a strange expression I know, as she didn’t say anything verbal!) and straight away started moving like her and in the same direction and in parallel to her, but slightly after she moved. However she had been watching the dance I had with the first filly and almost instantly started mirroring me and following me. Once again I felt completely at peace and in tune with this young horse and that she felt the same about me.

I stood back to admire both horses and noticed that my friend who had watched the whole display was leaning against the fence with a sleepy look and the first young filly was standing right beside him yawning.

Then the word ‘rapport’ sprang into my mind again. So that’s what rapport is! What an amazing half hour’s experience, and all without words. These two horses had shown me what the deepest rapport feels like and how easy it is to establish.

You may not have a horse handy to show you what rapport means, but there are people all around you who you can practise on and build your skills. Every day practise this for a few minutes. Very soon you will see, hear and feel a definite difference in the way people react to you.

Look at someone’s non-verbal communication and their posture; hear their voice and its pitch and tone. Start moving like them and talk in the same tones as them and either match their gestures or mirror them. If they cross their legs or lean back, do the same. Be subtle and don’t follow too soon or they will notice and feel uncomfortable. After a minute or two of mirroring their actions, tone of voice and pace, you can assume a posture of your own, and if they are in rapport they will follow your gestures.

This is such a great experience because they feel a mutual respect developing quickly and so do you. It is a useful technique in all our relationships, whether that is at home, with our family and friends or at work with co-workers, in meetings or on sales calls.

Go on, give RAPPORT a whirl!

If you want to know more about improving your non-verbal communication, please give me a call.

Communication, Emotional Intelligence and Personal Development Course - February 2015

Do you want to improve your communication skills, advance your personal development and perform to your maximum potential both at home and at work? Do you want to unlock the secrets of Emotional Intelligence and NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) to give you the ability to communicate at a level above the spoken word?

We can help you to help yourself with our 'Communication, Emotional Intelligence and Personal Development course' which will run over two weekends in February 2015 at Clyro Hill Farm.

What Will You Learn?

The course will equip you with all the necessary tools to reach your goals; your communication skills will become more dynamic, and after learning about body language and facial expressions you'll gain a deeper understanding of your own emotions. Your self-awareness will increase, giving you the power to boost your performance and self-confidence.

Who Can Attend?

If you want add some sparkle to your communication and maximise your performance levels in a way that really gets results, this course is for you!

What Else do I Need to Know?

This feature-packed, four-day course will be held over two weekends in February (7/8 and 14/15). The price is fully inclusive of reading and study materials, lunch and refreshments during training.

There's also an early bird discount of £175 if you book before 1 January 2015, so take the first step towards a new, improved future, and make that booking now.

Please take a look at the course brochure PDF for full details and give me a call if you'd like to know more - 01497 820 520.

Qualifications & Credit Framework
An optional accredited assessment is available for the course for £225. This includes all materials, assessment, support and accreditation. There are four units in the award. Three of the units are at Level 3 and qualify for three credits each. The fourth unit is at Level 2 and qualifies for three credits. This requires successful completion of a reflective diary/log during and after the course. For more information on the QCF please click here.

Have you discovered the True You?

Take a step to find the true you

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

Have you found real meaning and purpose in your life? It’s much easier to answer this when you know who you are. By discovering the true you, you have the ability to enjoy a life that is fulfilling, exciting and feels right.

Who is the True You?

When I ask, ‘Who are you?’ it’s not a trick question. In fact, I don’t want to hear about your accomplishments and what you have been through in life. When I ask who you are, I want to know the true you. This is a deep question that asks how well you really know yourself as a person, who you are when you look at your core, the inner you within your body.

Most people really cannot answer this question so if you can’t either, don’t worry, you’re not alone. If you look back to when you were younger, you were likely to be asked, “What do you want to be when you’re older?” You weren’t asked, “Who do you want to be?” So a role you may have now is different from you as a person.

If you haven’t found yourself yet or are not sure who you are, it’s almost impossible to align your life when it comes to the true you. And working to harmonise your environment with your passions and values can be exceptionally hard when you haven’t discovered the true you.

Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it. - Buddha

Finding the true you isn’t about a final destination or how you progress, it’s what feels right to you. Following your aspirations can help you reveal the true you and you get to know yourself better as you move forward. The good news is that everyone else can get to know the true you too. It’s not that hard to achieve. Living it makes you feel alive.

You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously. - Steve Maraboli

If you want to find the true you, why not join me at Clyro Hill Farm this weekend?

https://enhanceworld.wufoo.eu/forms/discover-the-true-you-1st-november-2014/

Are you aware of the power of non-verbal communication?

A French student came to stay with us for two weeks this summer and her understanding of English when she arrived was about the same as my French – limited! As we began to try to communicate I became aware of how intently I was listening to her and observing her; it wasn’t just about verbal communication - she was fairly shy – it was about all the things she wasn’t saying but doing.

How did I ‘know‘ she was shy? I deduced it from the way she looked at me, the way she moved her hands and tapped her foot when she spoke. And though all these signals were miniscule, I realised that for every group of gestures and expressions she made, I could interpret them as easily as if she had spoken words I understood. And if I was reading her micro expressions, then she could read mine as well.

For the first few days, instead of relying on Google Translate, I concentrated on exaggerating my non-verbal signals to match whatever I was saying in English. Our young French visitor caught on like wild fire and we began conversing in English and understanding each other, although part of this was rather like a stage play sometimes. After four days I could tell when we hit a word she didn’t understand simply by the fleeting muscle movement in her face.

Each day we also spent time with the horses and it was fascinating to observe her communicating with them and them with her. As their whole world is non-verbal they were quick to understand and respond to our visitor. Every day we went for a ride and I noticed that after a just a few hundred yards on horseback she was gaining confidence, and becoming much more verbal and fluent in the English language.

Good communication is partly about listening and observing, and these skills can come into play in the most unexpected places. For our French student, exaggerating non-verbal language improved our communications as well as giving her more confidence. And when she communicated with the horses it was just the same – words were redundant, so interpretation of non-verbal communication became of paramount importance; yet she did it quickly and easily. It’s amazing how much we all subconsciously pick up on non-verbals and accurately interpret them at a much faster rate than we do words.

You may not think this is relevant to you as might not have to engage with non-English speakers. But the next time you are having a difficult conversation, maybe at work or socially, imagine that person does not speak or understand you verbally. You may find that non-verbal communication is an easier conversation!

These skills are innate, but they can be honed. If you want to know more about improving your non-verbal communication, please give me a call.

Time is Life!

I have just experienced a sharp reminder. You may be like me and were always told that time is money. No – wrong - it isn’t. If you think about it you can always get more money by working overtime, doing odd jobs, even borrowing it. But you can’t ever get more time. Once time is spent it is gone forever.

Our son, Penry, was 15 this week and time-wise it seems like a few minutes since the day he was born. I wondered how all that time has gone by so quickly, and remembered all the occasions when I have deferred giving him my time and attention. Well - I didn’t go through ALL of them, because after thinking of a few I decided I needed to make changes and stop myself saying, “I’ll be with you in a few minutes”. These few minutes invariably extend to a few hours, or even days, and I find I have spent time doing ‘stuff’, which appeared more important than giving time to Penry.

I find that a very valuable tool to use to give myself more time is to focus. By focusing our energy on one thing we will get more from it.

Yesterday I shifted my focus from the job I was doing, on which I needed to spend a ‘few more minutes’, to Penry, and spending that time with him. As a result different avenues opened up and we spent quality time together as well as helped each other with homework and chores.

For you it may be that you need more time for work, for rest, or for holiday. Whatever it is, change your focus and you will find that a number of new options will present themselves. Don’t zoom in on just the small pieces of the jigsaw, focus on the big picture of what you want to achieve, and you will find you manage your time better. How you then spend that time is up to you!

For more information please give me a call – 01497 820520.

Shine your Light - How to illuminate the shadows of your fears

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? ... Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do ... It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

A while ago I read this quote and felt a strange pull in my stomach. I printed it out and stuck it in my letter rack on my desk. Frequently, when I am rooting about amongst my paperwork, this piece drops onto the desk in front of me and I read it again, before popping it back in the rack! I have to admit it has taken me a while to admit to myself, and now to you, that this is true and it is a fear for me.

It is also a fact that if we focus on something we get more of it, so by concentrating on fear we become more fearful. How to overcome fear? Concentrate on an alternative! I choose to concentrate on JOY. What gives me joy, how can I get more joy in my life and what gives me joy every day? My family, my work and play with the horses, my friends and my work relationships are all joyful experiences for me. I get joy from coaching and supporting businesses and shining my light on people from all walks of life to achieve their personal goals.

Working on how I can shine my light more, has led me to develop my ‘Step Forward to Success’ programme. I believe with this programme I can help many of you to shine and I will be letting my own light shine!

In attempting to achieve goals in life, whether personal or business ones, I believe it is better to take small steps towards them, rather take than one big leap and maybe miss the target completely. My Step Forward to Success programme is designed to help you to define your goals and set a realistic plan, overcome your fear of failure and shine your light.

For a minimal time investment you gain a clear focus, a timescale to work to, and a guiding and encouraging hand along the way.

So, as Marianne Williamson says, if it’s your light that frightens you and you want to join me for a sure fire way of overcoming your fear, get in touch! For more information please give me a call – 01497 820520.

Are you true to yourself? If not, what’s holding you back?

Over the last couple of weeks I have been talking to a number of people who are pondering their future, both in business and their personal life choices. The word I would use to describe their thinking is indecisiveness. As I listened to and observed their verbal and non-verbal cues I wondered, ‘Are you being true to yourself?’. What was telling me they weren’t and what was the reason?

Further discussions led to the discovery that, in all but one case, these people didn’t have a plan or a material goal and were having difficulty imagining their future and what it would look like. They all knew what they didn’t want and only a couple had a vague idea of what they wanted to achieve but with no timescale.

This brings me back to the ‘Be true to yourself‘ idea. Often we don’t have a specific objective to plan for and this is an ideal time to ask ourselves, ‘Who is the true me? What would the best that I can be look like and feel like?’

One way to access this truth is to write down words that describe your ideal self to help to build a picture of where you ideally want to be. It may be that you need to revisit a past experience and renew that memory, or it may be you want to make changes you haven’t experienced before, or both. If it is a feeling from the past pull it forward to ‘now’. Specifically focus on the positive emotions and energy - joy, excitement, love, anticipation, vigour, security - attached to the memory.

Next think about where in your mind the future is. Is it in front of you, or behind you, or to one side? Close your eyes and look in the direction of your future and project the image and feelings of the true you towards that direction. Check in and make sure the image is perfectly you and in your mind walk towards your true self. As you walk notice the colours, temperature, texture and sounds of that image and how the true you feels. Take snapshots as you go to capture the whole experience. Keep travelling forward to your future and keep your true self-image just in front of you. Now even if you don’t have a physical goal you have an emotional experience to enjoy.

Make a habit of spending a few minutes on a regular basis to check in with your future ‘true to self’ image and experience the emotion and energy. You will soon discover there’s nothing holding you back!

I have a range of tips and techniques to help people raise their self-awareness, understand their true self, focus on their objectives and achieve their personal and business goals. For more information please give me a call – 01497 820520.

Will an empathic object replace the need for Emotional Intelligence?

A friend sent me this link to an interesting idea which was demonstrated in Tel Aviv Israel in April (click here to watch the video). Kip1 is a little robot which monitors the tone of voices during interactions. The object doesn’t recognise words, but reacts to an aggressive tone of voice by shrinking and shivering away from the sound and growing relaxed when the tone calms. Its third state is curiosity and will extend its neck to “listen” to what is going on around it.

Kip1 and a curious cat

Is this the best way that we can improve the impact of our communication with others? Maybe taking that little gismo into a business meeting with a client would prove an interesting talking point, but would it really help in a conflict resolution situation? And would it fit in my briefcase or handbag? Not the most convenient tool and probably a fairly costly option.

I am more minded to grow my Emotional Intelligence (EI), which I carry internally to whatever business or other interaction I have anywhere in the world with another human. We have EI with us at all times, can use it instinctively and it is free! So what is it?

Daniel Goleman described Emotional Intelligence as:  “The capacity for recognising our own feelings and those in others, for motivating ourselves, for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.”

The core components for being Emotionally Intelligent are: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. Being aware of how we communicate with others, our own levels of self-confidence, what triggers us and how to manage our own behaviours, inevitably leads to us approaching our interactions with others in a much more consistent, empathetic way. A heightened sense of our own self-awareness enables us to avoid arguments and concentrate our energy on outcomes, before we get into conflict with others.

If we were to rely on a robot to tell us how we are communicating, by the time it crumbles and quakes it may well be too late to modify our tone and body language and rescue that sales pitch or difficult meeting!

Knowing ourselves is an important first step to recognising emotions in others and how our behaviours can have a major influence in achieving the outcomes we desire. By learning to recognise our own tone of voice and body language, we become aware of what we can do to avoid conflict and achieve the outcomes we want.

So go on, give it a whirl. Start building your self-awareness and your self-confidence will be boosted - and you’ll see how it can change your relationships with others!

Give me a call on 01497 820520 to find out how I can help you to improve and develop your emotional intelligence.

Raising business profiles – are you KISS-ing with confidence?

I spent some time at the nearby Hay Literature Festival (www.hayfestival.com) last week. The weather was appalling and all the usual fields used for car parking were a muddy quagmire. Instead we parked in the outlying villages and caught the shuttle bus (a rare event round here) into Hay.

Whilst sitting on the bus I was chatting to a friend about my own business and how I could improve and develop it. To my mind any successful business is based on a few very simple ground rules. With so much information coming in to and at us through so many different channels, and with so little time to sort out the wheat from the chaff, the KISS principle seems more relevant than ever. And what is that? Keep It Simple and Straightforward.

We all want to sell more, at higher prices, and with lower costs. We can increase our turnover by appealing to others’ emotions, and applying our own values to our business. Most importantly we should treat our customers as we would like to be treated.

Below are some simple and straightforward ideas for achieving that, which I believe hold good for everyone.

• Whatever your business is, make sure it’s for the customer’s benefit. Your service is there to take their problems away and make them feel good.
• Tell a good story about your business. If you aren’t being heard, tell a better story and check you are talking to the right person - make sure it’s the person who can make a decision. If you still aren’t heard maybe you need to change the product or service, or the time isn’t right.
• People buy from people – make sure you represent your product or service with integrity. You will achieve the best results when the business you are in fits with your values and beliefs. Check in with yourself. Do you love doing what you are doing?
• People make buying decisions based on their emotions not just the rational!
• Make their experience memorable and distinctive. I send a lump of sugar or a handful of hay to all the clients who book an equine assisted development workshop, and ask them to bring it along when they attend. It piques their interest.
• Make choices and review products and services regularly to ensure you continue to focus on the benefits to your clients.
• And keep telling and evolving your story. Imagine you have one minute to explain your business or offer concisely but comprehensively, and distil it down to its very essence.

Give me a call on 01497 820520 to find out how I can help you and your business to improve and develop.