Connect More With Rapport

Rapport. That word kept popping into my mind in the last few days. What is that stuff anyway? How does it help me? Today the horses taught me what rapport is! It is that wonderful feeling of being in the company of a like-minded being and having an absolute understanding and respect for each other. A friend’s horses showed me how easy and quick it is to create that feeling.

He had bought a couple of young foals last year who hadn’t been touched by humans very much. They have run free and fairly wild and have been untouchable all year. We decided we would take time to get them more used to people as they are now getting quite large, and it would be helpful for my friend if he could manage to catch them to trim their feet and move them easily from field to field. I went over to his farm today and initially we herded them into an old pen with a reasonably high fence and a division down the middle.

Obligingly one young horse went each into side of the division so I could have one-to-one! I went to the first youngster and straight away she put her ears back, dashed off to the corner and stood with her back to me and a leg poised. I thought her intention was very clear – ‘stay away!’ I decided to move away to the opposite corner and turn my back on her. As I did that, she turned and walked down the pen to another corner, so I copied her behaviour on the opposite side of the pen. I kept this up for a couple of minutes. Every time she moved, I mirrored her on the opposite side of the pen.

Then I decided to move first, and turned and walked across the pen with my back to her. Just after I started moving, so did the horse, and instead of mirroring me on the opposite side of the pen, she followed me to my corner. Without looking at her I turned and crossed the pen diagonally, and there she was, a couple of feet away, following me. From that moment we spent five minutes together and she shadowed my every move. Well, actually the pen was quite small, so I’m not sure who was mirroring who some of the time! We seemed to be absolutely in tune with each other and had formed some kind of bond of trust very quickly. I felt she understood me and I understood her. I moved to the other pen and saw the other young horse.

This time there was no stand-off to begin with. I listened to her (a strange expression I know, as she didn’t say anything verbal!) and straight away started moving like her and in the same direction and in parallel to her, but slightly after she moved. However she had been watching the dance I had with the first filly and almost instantly started mirroring me and following me. Once again I felt completely at peace and in tune with this young horse and that she felt the same about me.

I stood back to admire both horses and noticed that my friend who had watched the whole display was leaning against the fence with a sleepy look and the first young filly was standing right beside him yawning.

Then the word ‘rapport’ sprang into my mind again. So that’s what rapport is! What an amazing half hour’s experience, and all without words. These two horses had shown me what the deepest rapport feels like and how easy it is to establish.

You may not have a horse handy to show you what rapport means, but there are people all around you who you can practise on and build your skills. Every day practise this for a few minutes. Very soon you will see, hear and feel a definite difference in the way people react to you.

Look at someone’s non-verbal communication and their posture; hear their voice and its pitch and tone. Start moving like them and talk in the same tones as them and either match their gestures or mirror them. If they cross their legs or lean back, do the same. Be subtle and don’t follow too soon or they will notice and feel uncomfortable. After a minute or two of mirroring their actions, tone of voice and pace, you can assume a posture of your own, and if they are in rapport they will follow your gestures.

This is such a great experience because they feel a mutual respect developing quickly and so do you. It is a useful technique in all our relationships, whether that is at home, with our family and friends or at work with co-workers, in meetings or on sales calls.

Go on, give RAPPORT a whirl!

If you want to know more about improving your non-verbal communication, please give me a call.

Communication, Emotional Intelligence and Personal Development Course - February 2015

Do you want to improve your communication skills, advance your personal development and perform to your maximum potential both at home and at work? Do you want to unlock the secrets of Emotional Intelligence and NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) to give you the ability to communicate at a level above the spoken word?

We can help you to help yourself with our 'Communication, Emotional Intelligence and Personal Development course' which will run over two weekends in February 2015 at Clyro Hill Farm.

What Will You Learn?

The course will equip you with all the necessary tools to reach your goals; your communication skills will become more dynamic, and after learning about body language and facial expressions you'll gain a deeper understanding of your own emotions. Your self-awareness will increase, giving you the power to boost your performance and self-confidence.

Who Can Attend?

If you want add some sparkle to your communication and maximise your performance levels in a way that really gets results, this course is for you!

What Else do I Need to Know?

This feature-packed, four-day course will be held over two weekends in February (7/8 and 14/15). The price is fully inclusive of reading and study materials, lunch and refreshments during training.

There's also an early bird discount of £175 if you book before 1 January 2015, so take the first step towards a new, improved future, and make that booking now.

Please take a look at the course brochure PDF for full details and give me a call if you'd like to know more - 01497 820 520.

Qualifications & Credit Framework
An optional accredited assessment is available for the course for £225. This includes all materials, assessment, support and accreditation. There are four units in the award. Three of the units are at Level 3 and qualify for three credits each. The fourth unit is at Level 2 and qualifies for three credits. This requires successful completion of a reflective diary/log during and after the course. For more information on the QCF please click here.

Have you discovered the True You?

Take a step to find the true you

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

Have you found real meaning and purpose in your life? It’s much easier to answer this when you know who you are. By discovering the true you, you have the ability to enjoy a life that is fulfilling, exciting and feels right.

Who is the True You?

When I ask, ‘Who are you?’ it’s not a trick question. In fact, I don’t want to hear about your accomplishments and what you have been through in life. When I ask who you are, I want to know the true you. This is a deep question that asks how well you really know yourself as a person, who you are when you look at your core, the inner you within your body.

Most people really cannot answer this question so if you can’t either, don’t worry, you’re not alone. If you look back to when you were younger, you were likely to be asked, “What do you want to be when you’re older?” You weren’t asked, “Who do you want to be?” So a role you may have now is different from you as a person.

If you haven’t found yourself yet or are not sure who you are, it’s almost impossible to align your life when it comes to the true you. And working to harmonise your environment with your passions and values can be exceptionally hard when you haven’t discovered the true you.

Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it. - Buddha

Finding the true you isn’t about a final destination or how you progress, it’s what feels right to you. Following your aspirations can help you reveal the true you and you get to know yourself better as you move forward. The good news is that everyone else can get to know the true you too. It’s not that hard to achieve. Living it makes you feel alive.

You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously. - Steve Maraboli

If you want to find the true you, why not join me at Clyro Hill Farm this weekend?

https://enhanceworld.wufoo.eu/forms/discover-the-true-you-1st-november-2014/

Are you aware of the power of non-verbal communication?

A French student came to stay with us for two weeks this summer and her understanding of English when she arrived was about the same as my French – limited! As we began to try to communicate I became aware of how intently I was listening to her and observing her; it wasn’t just about verbal communication - she was fairly shy – it was about all the things she wasn’t saying but doing.

How did I ‘know‘ she was shy? I deduced it from the way she looked at me, the way she moved her hands and tapped her foot when she spoke. And though all these signals were miniscule, I realised that for every group of gestures and expressions she made, I could interpret them as easily as if she had spoken words I understood. And if I was reading her micro expressions, then she could read mine as well.

For the first few days, instead of relying on Google Translate, I concentrated on exaggerating my non-verbal signals to match whatever I was saying in English. Our young French visitor caught on like wild fire and we began conversing in English and understanding each other, although part of this was rather like a stage play sometimes. After four days I could tell when we hit a word she didn’t understand simply by the fleeting muscle movement in her face.

Each day we also spent time with the horses and it was fascinating to observe her communicating with them and them with her. As their whole world is non-verbal they were quick to understand and respond to our visitor. Every day we went for a ride and I noticed that after a just a few hundred yards on horseback she was gaining confidence, and becoming much more verbal and fluent in the English language.

Good communication is partly about listening and observing, and these skills can come into play in the most unexpected places. For our French student, exaggerating non-verbal language improved our communications as well as giving her more confidence. And when she communicated with the horses it was just the same – words were redundant, so interpretation of non-verbal communication became of paramount importance; yet she did it quickly and easily. It’s amazing how much we all subconsciously pick up on non-verbals and accurately interpret them at a much faster rate than we do words.

You may not think this is relevant to you as might not have to engage with non-English speakers. But the next time you are having a difficult conversation, maybe at work or socially, imagine that person does not speak or understand you verbally. You may find that non-verbal communication is an easier conversation!

These skills are innate, but they can be honed. If you want to know more about improving your non-verbal communication, please give me a call.

Time is Life!

I have just experienced a sharp reminder. You may be like me and were always told that time is money. No – wrong - it isn’t. If you think about it you can always get more money by working overtime, doing odd jobs, even borrowing it. But you can’t ever get more time. Once time is spent it is gone forever.

Our son, Penry, was 15 this week and time-wise it seems like a few minutes since the day he was born. I wondered how all that time has gone by so quickly, and remembered all the occasions when I have deferred giving him my time and attention. Well - I didn’t go through ALL of them, because after thinking of a few I decided I needed to make changes and stop myself saying, “I’ll be with you in a few minutes”. These few minutes invariably extend to a few hours, or even days, and I find I have spent time doing ‘stuff’, which appeared more important than giving time to Penry.

I find that a very valuable tool to use to give myself more time is to focus. By focusing our energy on one thing we will get more from it.

Yesterday I shifted my focus from the job I was doing, on which I needed to spend a ‘few more minutes’, to Penry, and spending that time with him. As a result different avenues opened up and we spent quality time together as well as helped each other with homework and chores.

For you it may be that you need more time for work, for rest, or for holiday. Whatever it is, change your focus and you will find that a number of new options will present themselves. Don’t zoom in on just the small pieces of the jigsaw, focus on the big picture of what you want to achieve, and you will find you manage your time better. How you then spend that time is up to you!

For more information please give me a call – 01497 820520.

Shine your Light - How to illuminate the shadows of your fears

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? ... Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do ... It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

A while ago I read this quote and felt a strange pull in my stomach. I printed it out and stuck it in my letter rack on my desk. Frequently, when I am rooting about amongst my paperwork, this piece drops onto the desk in front of me and I read it again, before popping it back in the rack! I have to admit it has taken me a while to admit to myself, and now to you, that this is true and it is a fear for me.

It is also a fact that if we focus on something we get more of it, so by concentrating on fear we become more fearful. How to overcome fear? Concentrate on an alternative! I choose to concentrate on JOY. What gives me joy, how can I get more joy in my life and what gives me joy every day? My family, my work and play with the horses, my friends and my work relationships are all joyful experiences for me. I get joy from coaching and supporting businesses and shining my light on people from all walks of life to achieve their personal goals.

Working on how I can shine my light more, has led me to develop my ‘Step Forward to Success’ programme. I believe with this programme I can help many of you to shine and I will be letting my own light shine!

In attempting to achieve goals in life, whether personal or business ones, I believe it is better to take small steps towards them, rather take than one big leap and maybe miss the target completely. My Step Forward to Success programme is designed to help you to define your goals and set a realistic plan, overcome your fear of failure and shine your light.

For a minimal time investment you gain a clear focus, a timescale to work to, and a guiding and encouraging hand along the way.

So, as Marianne Williamson says, if it’s your light that frightens you and you want to join me for a sure fire way of overcoming your fear, get in touch! For more information please give me a call – 01497 820520.

Are you true to yourself? If not, what’s holding you back?

Over the last couple of weeks I have been talking to a number of people who are pondering their future, both in business and their personal life choices. The word I would use to describe their thinking is indecisiveness. As I listened to and observed their verbal and non-verbal cues I wondered, ‘Are you being true to yourself?’. What was telling me they weren’t and what was the reason?

Further discussions led to the discovery that, in all but one case, these people didn’t have a plan or a material goal and were having difficulty imagining their future and what it would look like. They all knew what they didn’t want and only a couple had a vague idea of what they wanted to achieve but with no timescale.

This brings me back to the ‘Be true to yourself‘ idea. Often we don’t have a specific objective to plan for and this is an ideal time to ask ourselves, ‘Who is the true me? What would the best that I can be look like and feel like?’

One way to access this truth is to write down words that describe your ideal self to help to build a picture of where you ideally want to be. It may be that you need to revisit a past experience and renew that memory, or it may be you want to make changes you haven’t experienced before, or both. If it is a feeling from the past pull it forward to ‘now’. Specifically focus on the positive emotions and energy - joy, excitement, love, anticipation, vigour, security - attached to the memory.

Next think about where in your mind the future is. Is it in front of you, or behind you, or to one side? Close your eyes and look in the direction of your future and project the image and feelings of the true you towards that direction. Check in and make sure the image is perfectly you and in your mind walk towards your true self. As you walk notice the colours, temperature, texture and sounds of that image and how the true you feels. Take snapshots as you go to capture the whole experience. Keep travelling forward to your future and keep your true self-image just in front of you. Now even if you don’t have a physical goal you have an emotional experience to enjoy.

Make a habit of spending a few minutes on a regular basis to check in with your future ‘true to self’ image and experience the emotion and energy. You will soon discover there’s nothing holding you back!

I have a range of tips and techniques to help people raise their self-awareness, understand their true self, focus on their objectives and achieve their personal and business goals. For more information please give me a call – 01497 820520.

Will an empathic object replace the need for Emotional Intelligence?

A friend sent me this link to an interesting idea which was demonstrated in Tel Aviv Israel in April (click here to watch the video). Kip1 is a little robot which monitors the tone of voices during interactions. The object doesn’t recognise words, but reacts to an aggressive tone of voice by shrinking and shivering away from the sound and growing relaxed when the tone calms. Its third state is curiosity and will extend its neck to “listen” to what is going on around it.

Kip1 and a curious cat

Is this the best way that we can improve the impact of our communication with others? Maybe taking that little gismo into a business meeting with a client would prove an interesting talking point, but would it really help in a conflict resolution situation? And would it fit in my briefcase or handbag? Not the most convenient tool and probably a fairly costly option.

I am more minded to grow my Emotional Intelligence (EI), which I carry internally to whatever business or other interaction I have anywhere in the world with another human. We have EI with us at all times, can use it instinctively and it is free! So what is it?

Daniel Goleman described Emotional Intelligence as:  “The capacity for recognising our own feelings and those in others, for motivating ourselves, for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.”

The core components for being Emotionally Intelligent are: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. Being aware of how we communicate with others, our own levels of self-confidence, what triggers us and how to manage our own behaviours, inevitably leads to us approaching our interactions with others in a much more consistent, empathetic way. A heightened sense of our own self-awareness enables us to avoid arguments and concentrate our energy on outcomes, before we get into conflict with others.

If we were to rely on a robot to tell us how we are communicating, by the time it crumbles and quakes it may well be too late to modify our tone and body language and rescue that sales pitch or difficult meeting!

Knowing ourselves is an important first step to recognising emotions in others and how our behaviours can have a major influence in achieving the outcomes we desire. By learning to recognise our own tone of voice and body language, we become aware of what we can do to avoid conflict and achieve the outcomes we want.

So go on, give it a whirl. Start building your self-awareness and your self-confidence will be boosted - and you’ll see how it can change your relationships with others!

Give me a call on 01497 820520 to find out how I can help you to improve and develop your emotional intelligence.

Raising business profiles – are you KISS-ing with confidence?

I spent some time at the nearby Hay Literature Festival (www.hayfestival.com) last week. The weather was appalling and all the usual fields used for car parking were a muddy quagmire. Instead we parked in the outlying villages and caught the shuttle bus (a rare event round here) into Hay.

Whilst sitting on the bus I was chatting to a friend about my own business and how I could improve and develop it. To my mind any successful business is based on a few very simple ground rules. With so much information coming in to and at us through so many different channels, and with so little time to sort out the wheat from the chaff, the KISS principle seems more relevant than ever. And what is that? Keep It Simple and Straightforward.

We all want to sell more, at higher prices, and with lower costs. We can increase our turnover by appealing to others’ emotions, and applying our own values to our business. Most importantly we should treat our customers as we would like to be treated.

Below are some simple and straightforward ideas for achieving that, which I believe hold good for everyone.

• Whatever your business is, make sure it’s for the customer’s benefit. Your service is there to take their problems away and make them feel good.
• Tell a good story about your business. If you aren’t being heard, tell a better story and check you are talking to the right person - make sure it’s the person who can make a decision. If you still aren’t heard maybe you need to change the product or service, or the time isn’t right.
• People buy from people – make sure you represent your product or service with integrity. You will achieve the best results when the business you are in fits with your values and beliefs. Check in with yourself. Do you love doing what you are doing?
• People make buying decisions based on their emotions not just the rational!
• Make their experience memorable and distinctive. I send a lump of sugar or a handful of hay to all the clients who book an equine assisted development workshop, and ask them to bring it along when they attend. It piques their interest.
• Make choices and review products and services regularly to ensure you continue to focus on the benefits to your clients.
• And keep telling and evolving your story. Imagine you have one minute to explain your business or offer concisely but comprehensively, and distil it down to its very essence.

Give me a call on 01497 820520 to find out how I can help you and your business to improve and develop.

Mindfulness

I am not sure I fully understand what mindfulness is and am curious to know more about it. My mind seems to be full most of the time! BBC Radio 4 programme Woman’s Hour talked a little about it last week and my parents always stressed that I should be mindful of others.  Google presents many ideas and tips for mindfulness, many of which involve sitting meditation. However, in the last two weeks, the horses – and one in particular - has highlighted what mindfulness means for me.

He arrived as a frightened rather anxious two-year-old with a well-reinforced instinctive fight or flight response to everything. With every move I made and he either pawed the ground, reared up or fled if he could. My usual 20-minute morning routine of mucking out and feeding went out of the window. I needed to connect with this chap quickly, reassure that him he was safe and there was no need to be anxious. Our natural instinct is to talk, but of course words are useless for an animal with no verbal language.

I leant over the stable door and watched him; in my mind I asked him what he needed. I noticed his breathing deepen and slow and his head lower, and I concentrated on noticing every little muscle movement. I matched his slow breathing and low head and thought only of what might increase his relaxation. In a very short space of time (I discovered later), the horse in front of me became much quieter, with a softer eye, and to my mind very relaxed. I felt relaxed as well and at the same time renewed. I left the stable and resumed my usual morning rush around, getting home chores done before the school bus run and work.

Over the next few days I did this every morning and night, and even during the day if I was at home. Each time I went into the stable with this young horse, I left my usual rush outside the door and only focussed on making contact with him. By day three he was happy having two years of knots brushed out of his mane and tail and his feet cleaned. I found I was looking forward to stepping into his world and enjoying the moments with him. Strangely, the time I was spending on the routine was getting less each visit and yet we seemed to be having much more connection and communication in those moments.

After a week we were walking out and about and he was grazing the roadside as if he had never had a moment’s anxiety in his life. After two weeks his confidence was so restored he was able to go out in the field with an entirely new group of horses and became part of their herd in minutes.

Reflecting on what I have learnt from the experience: it was the point at which I stopped thinking about all the things I needed to do AFTER seeing to the colt, focussed solely on him and was mindful of our time together, that our connection grew, and he allowed me to groom, clean and lead him. Once my concentration was focussed in the moment on him I was able to get all the routines completed in a very short time. Horses are really great at getting us to be mindful. I believe we all can waste so much energy each day thinking about the next job rather than concentrating on now.

Even if you don’t have a horse to help you, you can practise being mindful – for instance, while you’re washing up. Instead of standing at the sink and thinking about tomorrow or yesterday or whatever, just concentrate on washing up! Think about the feel of the water and the temperature and the shape and texture of what you are washing and notice every small detail about it. It is very grounding and I believe that is my kind of mindfulness!

This Mum is mindful of her newborn as the foal is mindful of her Mum!

Don’t let your projects go Hay-wire!

A week on Thursday (22 May) sees the start of the world-famous Hay Festival of Literature and Arts (www.hayfestival.com) which is down the road from me. From its inception in 1987 when it was just an idea discussed around a kitchen table, it grew from a thousand visitors to now an expected quarter of a million visitors…all to a town with a population of 1,500!

Over the 10 days of the festival, there are a staggering 230+ events, talks and shows. On top of organising all of these, there are over 60 sponsors and partnering companies to deal with, as well as numerous suppliers and providers of various facilities, catering and other services. To get an idea of the scale of this, the event programme is a mere 112 pages long – enough to be a book itself.

What started as handful of friends “wanting something to do of an evening” getting together to organise the first event is now a major project management achievement. And with its continual success, the Hay Festival leadership team can sure show the business world a thing or two about how to manage projects.

I came across this fascinating research conducted by the Standish Group in 2001. They analysed over 500 projects and found out that:

• Only 16% of all projects are fully successful; 84% of all projects fail in some way
• 53% were late or over-budget
• 31% were cancelled prior to completion
• Only 61% of promised features and functions are typically delivered
• The average project goes over budget by 189%, some exceed 400%
• On average, a project lasts 222% longer than it was planned to last.

When Standish analysed the reasons for poor performance, they came up with this top 10 list of why these projects failed:

• Lack of User Involvement
• Incomplete Requirements
• Unrealistic Expectations
• Changing Requirements and Specifications
• Lack of, or poor planning
• Lack of Executive Support
• Lack of Resources
• Unclear Objectives
• Unrealistic Timeframes
• New Technology Problems

One of my colleagues has conducted numerous ‘Lessons Learnt Reviews’ for the last 15 years for several Fortune 100 and FTSE 100 companies. He defines a lesson learnt as “an action that should or should not be performed the next time a similar project is run.” To capture these lessons in a facilitated team meeting conducted at the end of a project, he asks, “What could have gone better?” The most frequent responses over the years (in no particular order) were related to:

• Poor planning
• Unclear objectives
• Deficient capture of the customer’s requirements
• Poor and infrequent communications
• Little or no risk analysis
• Infrequent/non-existent team meetings
• Discontinuity of team members
• Non-compliance with procedures

When the project team members were asked, “In one word only, what could have been improved to make the project more perfect?” Have a guess what the most common response was…. yes, ‘communication’.

Starting to see a pattern here?

No matter whether your project is a major international collaborative programme, the world’s biggest book festival or a home DIY project – failure is almost guaranteed if communication is poor. (By the way, if you don’t believe me on the last example, try painting on the wrong shade of white and see how your other half reacts!)

Good communication doesn’t necessarily mean a nicely worded email or a colourful corporate newsletter. As I’m sure you’ve heard so many times, real communication has little to do with the words themselves.

Want to know how to improve how communication skills in your business? Well, just ask the ‘experts in their field’….no, that’s not necessarily me! I’m talking about horses - who are intuitively excellent at picking up non-verbal communications and sub-conscious meaning. www.executivehorsepower.co.uk/why-it-works.html

Give me a call on 01497 820520 to find out how we can help you and your business ensure your projects don’t go haywire.

What is Leadership?

A friend asked me the other day for my thoughts on leadership. Quite a broad question, and it has taken me a few days to put my thoughts into words! Firstly, I hadn’t ever considered what leadership means to me or been asked to give my view. So, here are some thoughts.

In just a couple of weeks, many people from around the world will be gathering nearby at the Hay Festival www.hayfestival.com. Nearly half a million people visit the festival to see and listen to those appearing, many of whom are leaders in their field. They range from authors, business leaders, politicians, lawyers, journalists and leaders of faiths. What links them all and why do we recognise them as leaders?

Richard Branson was recently quoted as saying that great leaders, “are great listeners who know their best asset is the people they work with”. I believe that what also sets them apart is their self belief, confidence and - the most important - being true to their own values. No matter how much belief and confidence we have in ourselves, if we are not true to our values, we cannot achieve our greatest potential, nor expect to help others achieve theirs.

Noted ethicist and educator Dr Robert Rue noted that: “Values are the essence of who we are as human beings. Our values get us out of bed every morning, help us select the work we do, the company we keep, the relationships we build, and ultimately, the groups and organizations that we lead. Our values influence every decision and move we make, even to the point of how we choose to make our decisions.”

The best leaders in the world appear to be those who adhere to a strong set of their own beliefs and values. These leaders encourage others around them to do the same, and base their decisions on those values. Someone who based his life on those principles is our son’s idol Nelson Mandela, who said, “What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.”

A company or individual whose values match our own is more likely to win our trust and therefore our business or our co-operation. A successful company will seek to employ leaders whose personal values echo its corporate values. A successful parent will raise their child to understand what they value and the child will follow their example.

Horses are herd animals, much like us, and use the strengths of each member of the herd. So the older mare of a wild herd may not be a leader when it comes to protecting the herd; this may fall to a young stallion. But she may be the leader in finding the best grazing and watering hole. She has travelled the routes many more years and so the herd use her strengths. The whole herd shares the same values in life, survive and reproduce, and so the whole herd benefits, and has done for many thousands of years. How sophisticated is that? Perhaps we can learn a thing or two about our own leadership by watching horses in their daily life?

As I have said before, good leaders can make others do what they want. Great leaders inspire others to want to do it.

How do you change stressful memories to avoid limiting your future experiences?

The other day, a friend and I were talking about how our memory of unpleasant experiences becomes more vivid and larger than life each time we think back on the experience, and how this can sometimes limit us in the future. This is how phobias develop. We can’t change these experiences, but we can all change how we remember and feel about them.

I asked my friend if there was any experience she had had in life which she felt limited her now. Her response was a memory of being at the top of a tall building. She felt (and a sideways glance at her confirmed) quite anxious about ever repeating the experience. At the time her fear was probably her instinctive self-preservation reflex kicking in and absolutely appropriate. The trouble is, after the event, we go back over it and run a movie of what happened in our minds.

Each time we play the movie we start and stop at the same scene. With each replay our senses enhance the images, so the pictures get bigger and brighter, the sounds clearer and the smells sharper. I asked her to imagine she was watching a movie of her experience, but instead of starting at the same place, to rewind to 15 minutes earlier and finish 10 minutes later. Then I asked her to imagine herself in the movie and running it backwards from the later finish to the earlier start.

When she found herself back at the beginning I asked her to re-run the movie backwards and 10 times faster than before, and then 100 times faster. I then asked her to repeat the backwards movie with some silly music to accompany it. (My suggestion was Benny Hill singing ‘The fastest milkman in the west’.) I could see from her relaxed features and broad smile that the way she remembered the original experience was now different. Finally I asked her to run the movie forwards again, from the early start time to the later finish time and see how different it felt right now. My friend admitted she couldn’t feel the same about future trips up tall buildings.

If anyone wants me to check it out with her, maybe you could send me two tickets to the Eiffel Tower (purely for research purposes of course!). Maybe you can make different movies of your frightening or stressful past experiences and see how differently you feel. A good one for those afraid of spiders is to put clogs on their feet and get them line-dancing to a merry tune in your favourite coloured clothes!

Horses are powerful healers of such experiences. These animals are alive today because they have such an instinctive ability to survive. They do not have memory like us and live entirely in the present moment. They do not imagine what may never happen in the future or distort their present with unpleasant memories. Spending time with the horses teaches us how to be present and look only at what is happening NOW!

One well-known advocate of using horses as healers is Monty Roberts, and this link is to a recent article about his work with soldiers with emotional issues.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2608674/Queens-horse-whisperer-uses-gift-help-heal-broken-heroes-Afghan-war.html

If you’d like to know more or come and try this out, let me know!

Next time you really want to listen…use your eyes!

In our increasingly digital age it’s easy to forget that face-to-face communication is still hugely important in running a business. Whether you are dealing with internal issues or selling your services, excellent communication is vital. Excellent communicators are aware of not only their own, but others’ non-verbal communication.

Improving non-verbal communication was a key focus at a recent Executive Horse Power workshop we held. It was designed to give local businesses a taste of our alternative and highly effective corporate training tool which uses horses to help people understand and hone their own communication skills. This approach known as Equine Assisted Development is just as effective in business as it is with helping those with personal communication issues.

Our experiential training programmes are based on a proven approach in which you interact with our horses in a controlled environment to improve your interpersonal skills. Your interaction with our horses, 'experts in their field' in intuitive and non-verbal communication, will lead you to challenge yourself in powerful and memorable ways.

After an introduction to the principles of equine assisted development, each workshop participant was asked to identify a communications objective they wanted to achieve, which they then worked towards in a facilitated session with the horses, myself and my team of facilitators.

This was followed by a presentation on ‘micro expressions’ by colleague, Steve Adams, another expert in non-verbal communications. There has been much research carried out into facial gestures and it is generally accepted that there is a basic set of seven facial gestures that are cross-cultural. They can be seen in all of humankind, from tribes located in the middle of the Amazon to city dwellers in the UK.

The micro expressions shown by people in everyday conversations can provide some subtle clues as to what the person is really experiencing at an emotional level. For anyone wishing to improve their communication skills, learning to decipher these clues is essential.

Steve Adams

“What makes them really interesting is that micro expressions are, for the most part, very difficult to control at a conscious level,” said Steve at the workshop. “It's like when someone tells you they will give you all the support you need, whilst shaking their head from side-to-side at the same time. Their real message comes from the non-verbal signs, not the words used.”

This brief introduction of some of the theory and applications of non-verbal communication, coupled with reinforcing this learning with the horses, left the workshop participants eager to apply what they’ve learnt the next time they communicate at work and at home.

And of course if you want to know more, please feel free to contact me!

When do you take time to reflect?

Every aspect of my life seems to have been hectic for the last three weeks. As hard and long as I seem to be working there is an ever growing mound of urgent things to do ahead. I was starting to wonder how to deal with all the house, family, work and friends things to do, and if I should get a job as a circus juggler! Earlier today I was choosing to feel really exhausted and then, luckily for me, I got around to the job I needed to do with the horses.

Siloe - my Spanish stallion

I went into the field to check on Perchelera, a mare who is due to foal soon, and Siloe, who has a sore foot. Usually they come to meet me as I go through the gate, except of course today. When I thought I had the least time to spare, both horses went further down the field away from me, heads high and at speed. I felt so tired I just sat down on an up-turned bucket and watched them. The sun had just come out and I watched them for several minutes racing round the field, well away from me.

All of a sudden they slowed to a walk and came together up the field right to where I was perched on my bucket. Siloe even picked up his hoof for examination! I spent a few minutes with each of them, stroking them, and I could feel their warmth, their strength and yet softness. I noticed their breathing was deep and low and regular and their heads were low, Siloe making the occasional low snort as he smelled the grass before he pulled at it.

My mind wandered to what a great life they have. They only have to think about grazing and relaxing and occasionally running from a predator. This made me realise why they had taken off when I first came into the field; I must have looked quite predatory, marching towards them with my shoulders hunched, my breathing heavy, my pulse racing. Distracted by thoughts of all my chores my non-verbal communication screamed STRESS. It’s no wonder they ran, they maybe thought I was out to kill them.

I compared that behaviour with how it was now and how I felt now. Actually I felt much calmer, less tired and time seemed to have stretched out. I was breathing much lower and slower, my heart was no longer racing, and I seemed to be able to think and plan more clearly. I realised that quite a number of tasks would be better left until tomorrow and I could easily achieve all that I needed to do around family and home today. It was a valuable few minutes for me and I thanked the horses for taking the time to teach me a lesson.

Some days I suspect many people feel like I did - exhausted at the thought of all the pressing jobs to do. However, when we take time and reflect, we breathe more easily, think more clearly and renew our energy. So go on - take five minutes every day to reflect! If you would like a complete recharge, come and spend it with the horses.

Tips for preparing for difficult meetings

This week I was asked to chair what I thought might be a difficult meeting. I had already talked to several people who would be attending and some of them had expressed fairly strong emotions on the subject under discussion. I had three days to collect evidence for the meeting and spent the first day talking to different individuals and taking notes. Everyone had a different view and all were displaying a variety of emotions. I term them as stress, suspicion, fear, mistrust, worry and anger. After day one I was feeling pretty stressed at the thought of the meeting and worrying about all the emotions which would be present, and how on earth would we achieve a consensus.

In the small hours of a fairly sleepless night, it dawned on me that I should concentrate on the outcome of the meeting and not on the emotions. Day two consisted of several more emotionally charged interviews, and I decided it would probably be better if everyone, not just me, concentrated on the facts and the outcome rather than how they felt. How could I get them to do that? Sleepless night number two!

On day three I asked several independent professionals to prepare risk assessments for two or three possible outcomes, so I could present these at the meeting as impartial views based on the facts. I felt that by the end of this last day I had done everything I could to ensure the meeting would be constructive. Still feeling a bit apprehensive about my ability to preside over such an event, I thought about a friend who I consider to be brilliant at managing conflict. I would put a call in the next morning and ask for his input. Two hours sleep that night.

Day Four. No answer when I tried to ring and I was nearly out of time. What to do? As I drove down to the meeting a little idea came to mind. What if I imagined I had spoken to my friend? What would he have said and what would he do? There was the answer and so very simple. All I needed to do was model what I had seen my friend do at other meetings. As everyone turned up I detected hunched shoulders, prominent chins and crossed arms. I used very open inviting gestures to everyone and their body language eased. And then I had a further thought and I suggested to everyone that they put themselves in someone else’s shoes and consider the problem from a different perspective.

The effect was instant and the feeling of an up-and-coming battle left the room. Instead there was an energetic and positive flow of constructive ideas from everyone as to how to resolve the conflict. Contrary to my initial expectation, a unanimous agreement was reached, along with a plan for action, in a very short space of time!

So here are some tips for the future for anyone with an important meeting coming up:

1. Concentrate on achieving outcomes instead of relying on a battle of words.
2. Ask everyone attending to do the same.
3. Use open handed gestures and encourage the others to loosen tight shoulders, jaws and crossed arms.
4. Use perceptual positions to get everyone to view the conflict differently. Change places and seating arrangements if necessary. If they sit in a different chair from their usual one they’ll have a different view. Lead this by example and change your place as well!
5. If you remember a conflict meeting which had a good outcome, model the example.
6. Model the behaviour of anyone you have seen effectively managing a conflict.
7. If there aren’t any sides to take, only outcomes to achieve, the whole team channels constructive energy and emotion into getting a result.
8. Support everyone to have their say and thank them for their contribution. You may discover hidden strengths and alternative solutions!

Boosting Self Esteem

The other day a friend asked me if she could have some tips on boosting self-esteem when we next meet. So, as I was doing one of the mundane jobs of painting one of the log cabins, I pondered what my tips are. First I thought about what self-esteem is, and decided it was how we value ourselves and what we feel we are worth. I realised that sometimes people do or say things to me which make me feel very low in value and which very often I handle badly (‘I’m not worth it!’).

We can’t control what others do or say and a lot of our judgements about ourselves come from what we learn from a very young age; this has a powerful impact on how we value ourselves later in life. Even as a baby one of the first things we learn is our value. When a baby cries, someone comes and comforts them with food, warmth etc. How important are they? Conversely, abused or neglected children very often grow into troubled adulthood because of their learned negative view of themselves. No-one answered their cries, so they feel worthless.)

If we learn how to have a negative view of ourselves, guess what? It’s just as easy to learn how to change it to positive! Like all learning, to assimilate the lessons we have to practise and revise and practise again. Here are some quick ideas to start practising and see how you can increase your self-esteem very rapidly.

• Write down how valued you believe yourself to be right now before reading on.
• Love yourself and tell yourself that everyday. (Sit in front of the mirror and say I love you!)
• Compliment yourself every day. The quickest way to get a compliment is to give one. Tell someone how good they look and they’ll compliment you back.
• When you get a compliment just say thank you and nothing else. All too often we get a compliment and we are dismissive of it because we think we are not worth it. Accept the compliment with a simple thank you.
• Make a list of 30 things you have achieved every day. Some people think that is hard. No it isn’t… Here’s a start 1. Got out of bed 2. Brushed teeth. 3. Read this article ... etc. Just everyday things are of value to your self-worth calculator.
• Set yourself a small target, not a big one. When we set ourselves unreachable goals in a single step we very often fail and then beat ourselves up for it. Achieve the smaller goal and you can pat yourself on the back every day. (Today, instead of setting a target of painting the whole log cabin I set myself the target of one wall. I did it and feel really good about myself.)
• Have fun. Take a look at some of the things you are doing in life to make sure you are enjoying the time spent. Look at the reasons which made you start a project and make sure they are still there. If the joy has gone you will feel negatively about carrying on with the project and worthless or pointless. This decreases your self-esteem.
• Take ownership and responsibility for your life. If you find yourself blaming others for what is happening to you in life, you will feel worthless. Once you own the problem and are responsible (I’m overweight because I eat too much) you will be able to take control of your actions and make changes to succeed. (‘I can cut out eating fats and lose some weight and feel fitter’) – makes you feel important and decisive and valued.
• In 7 days let me know what differences you have noticed.

These are just a few of hundreds of ideas I can discuss with my friend next time we meet. It also occurred to me that I felt valued because she had asked me this question. Maybe, if you see someone who looks as if they need to raise their self-esteem, you could ask them for their help?

It seems to me that raising self-esteem is a bit like getting a hot air balloon into the air. Your opinion of your worth may be stuck on the ground because of the heavy sandbags you have been given right from early childhood. If you look upward and tip out some of the sand - and you can trickle it overboard or chuck the whole bag out at once! - very quickly you will be flying high and feeling valuable. Once you’re in the air, refuse any ballast offered, or tip it overboard if it lands in the basket. 

Horse Sense

By Guest Blogger John Phillips, Msc. PhD. DC.Hyp.

Any pet owner will regale you with tales of how clever their animal is. How, when you are almost home, your partner will tell you how man’s best friend knew before they did of your impending arrival, as your four-legged friend is waiting at the front door to greet you a minute or more before you actually arrived. We have all heard these stories or experienced them ourselves, and although we are convinced of man’s best friend’s extra sensory abilities, we have never been able to prove it.

Until now!

The benefits of inter-species communication are something that horse owners have always known. Scores of studies have shown that the non-verbal communication between horses and humans provides a learning environment that allows the individual to acquire emotional sensitivity, encourage self and social awareness, increase self-confidence, and develop communication skills and management abilities. In a herd, horses establish their positions – including leadership - by the use of body language and other non-verbal cues, with evidence supporting that collaboration with a horse teaches effective leadership competency.

• Alan Hamilton, a horseman and Professor of Neurosurgery at the University of Arizona, developed a programme that used horses to address the difficulty in teaching non-verbal skills to medical students.
• For the past decade, Stanford University medical students, under the direction of Beverly Kane MD, have participated in a programme called Medicine and Horsemanship. Dr Kane currently consults with medical and nursing schools across the US in developing Equine Assisted Learning programmes for their students.
• There are now over seven hundred centres in the US that provide some kind of Equine Assisted Learning programmes.

Most Equine programmes in the UK tend to focus on very specific areas, such as Psychotherapy or children with disabilities. However, an EAD centre at Clyro Hill Farm in Herefordshire is unique, in that they will tailor-make their programme to satisfy the needs of an individual, a large organisation or educational institutions.

They will cater to those who require help with grief or anger issues, have special learning needs or addictions, or require emotional support and an increase in self confidence. They have also worked with adoptive and child fostering committees.

Large organisations will have the advantage of a staff that has experience that encompasses global communications, life coaching, corporate NLP development, certified teaching, conference organising, financial planning, industrial management and school governorship.

The empowering experience of Equine Assisted Development is enjoyable and life-changing. Whether individual, corporate or institutional, it just makes good sense. Horse sense.

How life is evolving at Clyro Hill Farm

Clyro Hill Farm

I thought I would update you with news of what we are up to on top of Clyro Hill. Firstly, as you’ll guess we didn’t quite get blown away! And I think, from watching the news, we got off lightly, with just a few trees down and relatively little damage compared to those on the flood plains. The last few days have really felt like spring has sprung; we have had our first three lambs, and even the daffodils have picked themselves up and decided they’ll start flowering. We have been busy spring-cleaning the lodges ready for our guests and hope we’ll be seeing you again this year.

The horses have been doing their bit too and we are getting busy and booked up with a variety of people coming to do our Equine Assisted Development workshops and days, as well as retreat courses. If you have been following our journey for a few years now you will be interested to take a look at our new websites and what they offer. Please check in to www.emotionalhorsepower.co.uk and www.executivehorsepower.co.uk and feel free to subscribe to this blog. When you want to see it for yourself, please make sure you let us know that you’re an existing customer with the horses, the farm or the lodges and we will give you a special rate!

We are launching our Executive Training on Thursday, 27 March. It is a free event and you are invited to come along and see what it’s all about. We only ask that you will go home and spread the word please! Places are limited so please get in touch asap to reserve your place.

If you have any ideas or thoughts about the limitless applications of this sensory experience, please get in touch.

Here’s to a happy, healthy and dry spring for us all.

Calling all ladies! Did you know?...

Did you know we've been running a personal development group for women for the last 18 months? Come and join us at our March meeting, and find out how it can change your life.

Staying Motivated When You Are Overloaded

We all have days where we feel completely overwhelmed with our workload, we arrive in the morning welcomed by mounds of work that get us completely demotivated before we start the day.

We've fallen victim to this vicious cycle too many times during our working lives. It’s one of those things you are difficult escape. Some days will be absolutely chaotic when the end is never in sight and the work continues to pile up and others are smooth sailing and an absolute dream.

Organise Your Desk

Chances are you've walked into your office and your desk is just piled high with paperwork, somewhere under there is your computer keyboard which you need to find to get the important reports done and check your emails.

A great motivational tip is to get organised. When you first arrive at your office, or better still at the end of the day, take a few minutes to organise your desk. Put the piles of paperwork into order; get the filing away to clear the clutter so that your keyboard is available for use.

Getting the papers off your desk and neatly into in-trays will make a huge difference to the way you work. You can even prioritise your paperwork, which is the next step to staying motivated.

A clean desk is a clean slate, leaving you ready to challenge the chaotic day ahead.


Prioritise

When you feel overloaded and overwhelmed, the best way to manage that is to prioritise your work. You will notice when listing the work you need to get through that not everything is urgent and needs to get done right now, giving you the opportunity to leave it until later. Indeed, some tasks that were on your list maybe don’t have to be done at all!

Prioritising is such an important part of staying motivated. If you have a clear list of what needs to get done in order of urgency, you can work your way through the list feeling achievement as each job is completed in a timely manner.

I always suggest with urgent tasks, put the harder ones first, completing the harder tasks first gets them out of the way enabling you to get on with the easier ones. I’ve always found this a great way to get my jobs done when they just keep piling up and there never seems to be an end to it all.


Delegate

Learning the art of delegation doesn't come naturally to many people, but when you are in a position where you cannot handle your workload; there may be times when smaller and easier tasks can be delegated to someone else.

This takes some of the stress off yourself, whether it’s a stats spreadsheet that need to be sent off or a few brochures that need to be posted, these are simple tasks you can easily pass onto another colleague who has some spare time on their hands to help you out.


Breaks

I cannot stress the importance of taking breaks enough. I have been guilty of shoving a sandwich down my throat whilst manically typing away with one hand. I think we all have done this when we’re overloaded, but surprisingly I soon learned that by taking breaks meant I was more productive.

If your workload for today is too much to complete, I'm not saying take an entire hour for lunch, but a half an hour walk around the office or neighbourhood, or a quiet sit down to eat your lunch is a must.

Getting back to work feeling refreshed will give you motivation to get going again. Often a couple of small five minute breaks during the course of the day can give you the strength to keep on going even when you feel there is no end in sight.

Targets and Rewards

Setting yourself simple targets is a great way to remain motivated. Start with your to-do list and work your way through it, setting small targets such as complete the first five tasks on your list and then you can have a fifteen minute break is a great motivational target that can keep you steaming ahead.

After the five tasks, take your break, have a nice cuppa, enjoy a slice of cake, eat your lunch, phone your friend, whatever the reward is you've offered yourself, do it, before heading onto the next target.

Remaining motivated when things are overwhelming is so difficult and soon we become despondent, which in turn actually reduces your productivity. Remaining focused, setting yourself clear targets and offering yourself rewards is the best way to achieve everything you need to achieve for today.


Stop the Emails

Whilst you can’t stop the phone from ringing, you can stop yourself from constantly checking your emails. I used to do this all the time, which meant my targets would fly out of the window as I found urgent emails that needed responses.

Set yourself times when you can check your emails. This way you can set your targets, be productive and when you do check your email at set times, you can add urgent items to your to-do list.

By doing this you aren't all over the place, you aren't flipping from one job to another, you are getting your head down, being productive, staying motivated and getting through the overload in an organised manner, which in turn leads to success.

-o-

You are in the position of a high-level executive and “with great power comes great responsibility”, but you do need to smile now and again! Smiling when someone walks past your office or having a good laugh with colleagues is a fantastic stress relief and helps boost motivation. Try it now!