Are you true to yourself? If not, what’s holding you back?

Over the last couple of weeks I have been talking to a number of people who are pondering their future, both in business and their personal life choices. The word I would use to describe their thinking is indecisiveness. As I listened to and observed their verbal and non-verbal cues I wondered, ‘Are you being true to yourself?’. What was telling me they weren’t and what was the reason?

Further discussions led to the discovery that, in all but one case, these people didn’t have a plan or a material goal and were having difficulty imagining their future and what it would look like. They all knew what they didn’t want and only a couple had a vague idea of what they wanted to achieve but with no timescale.

This brings me back to the ‘Be true to yourself‘ idea. Often we don’t have a specific objective to plan for and this is an ideal time to ask ourselves, ‘Who is the true me? What would the best that I can be look like and feel like?’

One way to access this truth is to write down words that describe your ideal self to help to build a picture of where you ideally want to be. It may be that you need to revisit a past experience and renew that memory, or it may be you want to make changes you haven’t experienced before, or both. If it is a feeling from the past pull it forward to ‘now’. Specifically focus on the positive emotions and energy - joy, excitement, love, anticipation, vigour, security - attached to the memory.

Next think about where in your mind the future is. Is it in front of you, or behind you, or to one side? Close your eyes and look in the direction of your future and project the image and feelings of the true you towards that direction. Check in and make sure the image is perfectly you and in your mind walk towards your true self. As you walk notice the colours, temperature, texture and sounds of that image and how the true you feels. Take snapshots as you go to capture the whole experience. Keep travelling forward to your future and keep your true self-image just in front of you. Now even if you don’t have a physical goal you have an emotional experience to enjoy.

Make a habit of spending a few minutes on a regular basis to check in with your future ‘true to self’ image and experience the emotion and energy. You will soon discover there’s nothing holding you back!

I have a range of tips and techniques to help people raise their self-awareness, understand their true self, focus on their objectives and achieve their personal and business goals. For more information please give me a call – 01497 820520.

Will an empathic object replace the need for Emotional Intelligence?

A friend sent me this link to an interesting idea which was demonstrated in Tel Aviv Israel in April (click here to watch the video). Kip1 is a little robot which monitors the tone of voices during interactions. The object doesn’t recognise words, but reacts to an aggressive tone of voice by shrinking and shivering away from the sound and growing relaxed when the tone calms. Its third state is curiosity and will extend its neck to “listen” to what is going on around it.

Kip1 and a curious cat

Is this the best way that we can improve the impact of our communication with others? Maybe taking that little gismo into a business meeting with a client would prove an interesting talking point, but would it really help in a conflict resolution situation? And would it fit in my briefcase or handbag? Not the most convenient tool and probably a fairly costly option.

I am more minded to grow my Emotional Intelligence (EI), which I carry internally to whatever business or other interaction I have anywhere in the world with another human. We have EI with us at all times, can use it instinctively and it is free! So what is it?

Daniel Goleman described Emotional Intelligence as:  “The capacity for recognising our own feelings and those in others, for motivating ourselves, for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.”

The core components for being Emotionally Intelligent are: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. Being aware of how we communicate with others, our own levels of self-confidence, what triggers us and how to manage our own behaviours, inevitably leads to us approaching our interactions with others in a much more consistent, empathetic way. A heightened sense of our own self-awareness enables us to avoid arguments and concentrate our energy on outcomes, before we get into conflict with others.

If we were to rely on a robot to tell us how we are communicating, by the time it crumbles and quakes it may well be too late to modify our tone and body language and rescue that sales pitch or difficult meeting!

Knowing ourselves is an important first step to recognising emotions in others and how our behaviours can have a major influence in achieving the outcomes we desire. By learning to recognise our own tone of voice and body language, we become aware of what we can do to avoid conflict and achieve the outcomes we want.

So go on, give it a whirl. Start building your self-awareness and your self-confidence will be boosted - and you’ll see how it can change your relationships with others!

Give me a call on 01497 820520 to find out how I can help you to improve and develop your emotional intelligence.

Raising business profiles – are you KISS-ing with confidence?

I spent some time at the nearby Hay Literature Festival (www.hayfestival.com) last week. The weather was appalling and all the usual fields used for car parking were a muddy quagmire. Instead we parked in the outlying villages and caught the shuttle bus (a rare event round here) into Hay.

Whilst sitting on the bus I was chatting to a friend about my own business and how I could improve and develop it. To my mind any successful business is based on a few very simple ground rules. With so much information coming in to and at us through so many different channels, and with so little time to sort out the wheat from the chaff, the KISS principle seems more relevant than ever. And what is that? Keep It Simple and Straightforward.

We all want to sell more, at higher prices, and with lower costs. We can increase our turnover by appealing to others’ emotions, and applying our own values to our business. Most importantly we should treat our customers as we would like to be treated.

Below are some simple and straightforward ideas for achieving that, which I believe hold good for everyone.

• Whatever your business is, make sure it’s for the customer’s benefit. Your service is there to take their problems away and make them feel good.
• Tell a good story about your business. If you aren’t being heard, tell a better story and check you are talking to the right person - make sure it’s the person who can make a decision. If you still aren’t heard maybe you need to change the product or service, or the time isn’t right.
• People buy from people – make sure you represent your product or service with integrity. You will achieve the best results when the business you are in fits with your values and beliefs. Check in with yourself. Do you love doing what you are doing?
• People make buying decisions based on their emotions not just the rational!
• Make their experience memorable and distinctive. I send a lump of sugar or a handful of hay to all the clients who book an equine assisted development workshop, and ask them to bring it along when they attend. It piques their interest.
• Make choices and review products and services regularly to ensure you continue to focus on the benefits to your clients.
• And keep telling and evolving your story. Imagine you have one minute to explain your business or offer concisely but comprehensively, and distil it down to its very essence.

Give me a call on 01497 820520 to find out how I can help you and your business to improve and develop.