A French student came to stay with us for two weeks this
summer and her understanding of English when she arrived was about the same as
my French – limited! As we began to try to communicate I became aware of how
intently I was listening to her and observing her; it wasn’t just about verbal
communication - she was fairly shy – it was about all the things she wasn’t
saying but doing.
How did I ‘know‘ she was shy? I deduced it from the way she
looked at me, the way she moved her hands and tapped her foot when she spoke.
And though all these signals were miniscule, I realised that for every group of
gestures and expressions she made, I could interpret them as easily as if she
had spoken words I understood. And if I was reading her micro expressions, then
she could read mine as well.
For the first few days, instead of relying on Google
Translate, I concentrated on exaggerating my non-verbal signals to match
whatever I was saying in English. Our young French visitor caught on like wild
fire and we began conversing in English and understanding each other, although
part of this was rather like a stage play sometimes. After four days I could
tell when we hit a word she didn’t understand simply by the fleeting muscle
movement in her face.
Each day we also spent time with the horses and it was
fascinating to observe her communicating with them and them with her. As their
whole world is non-verbal they were quick to understand and respond to our
visitor. Every day we went for a ride and I noticed that after a just a few hundred
yards on horseback she was gaining confidence, and becoming much more verbal
and fluent in the English language.
Good communication is partly about listening and observing,
and these skills can come into play in the most unexpected places. For our French
student, exaggerating non-verbal language improved our communications as well
as giving her more confidence. And when she communicated with the horses it was
just the same – words were redundant, so interpretation of non-verbal
communication became of paramount importance; yet she did it quickly and
easily. It’s amazing how much we all subconsciously pick up on non-verbals and accurately
interpret them at a much faster rate than we do words.
You may not think this is relevant to you as might not have to
engage with non-English speakers. But the next time you are having a difficult
conversation, maybe at work or socially, imagine that person does not speak or
understand you verbally. You may find that non-verbal communication is an
easier conversation!
These skills are innate, but they can be honed. If you want
to know more about improving your non-verbal communication, please give me a
call.
