Mindfulness

I am not sure I fully understand what mindfulness is and am curious to know more about it. My mind seems to be full most of the time! BBC Radio 4 programme Woman’s Hour talked a little about it last week and my parents always stressed that I should be mindful of others.  Google presents many ideas and tips for mindfulness, many of which involve sitting meditation. However, in the last two weeks, the horses – and one in particular - has highlighted what mindfulness means for me.

He arrived as a frightened rather anxious two-year-old with a well-reinforced instinctive fight or flight response to everything. With every move I made and he either pawed the ground, reared up or fled if he could. My usual 20-minute morning routine of mucking out and feeding went out of the window. I needed to connect with this chap quickly, reassure that him he was safe and there was no need to be anxious. Our natural instinct is to talk, but of course words are useless for an animal with no verbal language.

I leant over the stable door and watched him; in my mind I asked him what he needed. I noticed his breathing deepen and slow and his head lower, and I concentrated on noticing every little muscle movement. I matched his slow breathing and low head and thought only of what might increase his relaxation. In a very short space of time (I discovered later), the horse in front of me became much quieter, with a softer eye, and to my mind very relaxed. I felt relaxed as well and at the same time renewed. I left the stable and resumed my usual morning rush around, getting home chores done before the school bus run and work.

Over the next few days I did this every morning and night, and even during the day if I was at home. Each time I went into the stable with this young horse, I left my usual rush outside the door and only focussed on making contact with him. By day three he was happy having two years of knots brushed out of his mane and tail and his feet cleaned. I found I was looking forward to stepping into his world and enjoying the moments with him. Strangely, the time I was spending on the routine was getting less each visit and yet we seemed to be having much more connection and communication in those moments.

After a week we were walking out and about and he was grazing the roadside as if he had never had a moment’s anxiety in his life. After two weeks his confidence was so restored he was able to go out in the field with an entirely new group of horses and became part of their herd in minutes.

Reflecting on what I have learnt from the experience: it was the point at which I stopped thinking about all the things I needed to do AFTER seeing to the colt, focussed solely on him and was mindful of our time together, that our connection grew, and he allowed me to groom, clean and lead him. Once my concentration was focussed in the moment on him I was able to get all the routines completed in a very short time. Horses are really great at getting us to be mindful. I believe we all can waste so much energy each day thinking about the next job rather than concentrating on now.

Even if you don’t have a horse to help you, you can practise being mindful – for instance, while you’re washing up. Instead of standing at the sink and thinking about tomorrow or yesterday or whatever, just concentrate on washing up! Think about the feel of the water and the temperature and the shape and texture of what you are washing and notice every small detail about it. It is very grounding and I believe that is my kind of mindfulness!

This Mum is mindful of her newborn as the foal is mindful of her Mum!

Don’t let your projects go Hay-wire!

A week on Thursday (22 May) sees the start of the world-famous Hay Festival of Literature and Arts (www.hayfestival.com) which is down the road from me. From its inception in 1987 when it was just an idea discussed around a kitchen table, it grew from a thousand visitors to now an expected quarter of a million visitors…all to a town with a population of 1,500!

Over the 10 days of the festival, there are a staggering 230+ events, talks and shows. On top of organising all of these, there are over 60 sponsors and partnering companies to deal with, as well as numerous suppliers and providers of various facilities, catering and other services. To get an idea of the scale of this, the event programme is a mere 112 pages long – enough to be a book itself.

What started as handful of friends “wanting something to do of an evening” getting together to organise the first event is now a major project management achievement. And with its continual success, the Hay Festival leadership team can sure show the business world a thing or two about how to manage projects.

I came across this fascinating research conducted by the Standish Group in 2001. They analysed over 500 projects and found out that:

• Only 16% of all projects are fully successful; 84% of all projects fail in some way
• 53% were late or over-budget
• 31% were cancelled prior to completion
• Only 61% of promised features and functions are typically delivered
• The average project goes over budget by 189%, some exceed 400%
• On average, a project lasts 222% longer than it was planned to last.

When Standish analysed the reasons for poor performance, they came up with this top 10 list of why these projects failed:

• Lack of User Involvement
• Incomplete Requirements
• Unrealistic Expectations
• Changing Requirements and Specifications
• Lack of, or poor planning
• Lack of Executive Support
• Lack of Resources
• Unclear Objectives
• Unrealistic Timeframes
• New Technology Problems

One of my colleagues has conducted numerous ‘Lessons Learnt Reviews’ for the last 15 years for several Fortune 100 and FTSE 100 companies. He defines a lesson learnt as “an action that should or should not be performed the next time a similar project is run.” To capture these lessons in a facilitated team meeting conducted at the end of a project, he asks, “What could have gone better?” The most frequent responses over the years (in no particular order) were related to:

• Poor planning
• Unclear objectives
• Deficient capture of the customer’s requirements
• Poor and infrequent communications
• Little or no risk analysis
• Infrequent/non-existent team meetings
• Discontinuity of team members
• Non-compliance with procedures

When the project team members were asked, “In one word only, what could have been improved to make the project more perfect?” Have a guess what the most common response was…. yes, ‘communication’.

Starting to see a pattern here?

No matter whether your project is a major international collaborative programme, the world’s biggest book festival or a home DIY project – failure is almost guaranteed if communication is poor. (By the way, if you don’t believe me on the last example, try painting on the wrong shade of white and see how your other half reacts!)

Good communication doesn’t necessarily mean a nicely worded email or a colourful corporate newsletter. As I’m sure you’ve heard so many times, real communication has little to do with the words themselves.

Want to know how to improve how communication skills in your business? Well, just ask the ‘experts in their field’….no, that’s not necessarily me! I’m talking about horses - who are intuitively excellent at picking up non-verbal communications and sub-conscious meaning. www.executivehorsepower.co.uk/why-it-works.html

Give me a call on 01497 820520 to find out how we can help you and your business ensure your projects don’t go haywire.

What is Leadership?

A friend asked me the other day for my thoughts on leadership. Quite a broad question, and it has taken me a few days to put my thoughts into words! Firstly, I hadn’t ever considered what leadership means to me or been asked to give my view. So, here are some thoughts.

In just a couple of weeks, many people from around the world will be gathering nearby at the Hay Festival www.hayfestival.com. Nearly half a million people visit the festival to see and listen to those appearing, many of whom are leaders in their field. They range from authors, business leaders, politicians, lawyers, journalists and leaders of faiths. What links them all and why do we recognise them as leaders?

Richard Branson was recently quoted as saying that great leaders, “are great listeners who know their best asset is the people they work with”. I believe that what also sets them apart is their self belief, confidence and - the most important - being true to their own values. No matter how much belief and confidence we have in ourselves, if we are not true to our values, we cannot achieve our greatest potential, nor expect to help others achieve theirs.

Noted ethicist and educator Dr Robert Rue noted that: “Values are the essence of who we are as human beings. Our values get us out of bed every morning, help us select the work we do, the company we keep, the relationships we build, and ultimately, the groups and organizations that we lead. Our values influence every decision and move we make, even to the point of how we choose to make our decisions.”

The best leaders in the world appear to be those who adhere to a strong set of their own beliefs and values. These leaders encourage others around them to do the same, and base their decisions on those values. Someone who based his life on those principles is our son’s idol Nelson Mandela, who said, “What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.”

A company or individual whose values match our own is more likely to win our trust and therefore our business or our co-operation. A successful company will seek to employ leaders whose personal values echo its corporate values. A successful parent will raise their child to understand what they value and the child will follow their example.

Horses are herd animals, much like us, and use the strengths of each member of the herd. So the older mare of a wild herd may not be a leader when it comes to protecting the herd; this may fall to a young stallion. But she may be the leader in finding the best grazing and watering hole. She has travelled the routes many more years and so the herd use her strengths. The whole herd shares the same values in life, survive and reproduce, and so the whole herd benefits, and has done for many thousands of years. How sophisticated is that? Perhaps we can learn a thing or two about our own leadership by watching horses in their daily life?

As I have said before, good leaders can make others do what they want. Great leaders inspire others to want to do it.

How do you change stressful memories to avoid limiting your future experiences?

The other day, a friend and I were talking about how our memory of unpleasant experiences becomes more vivid and larger than life each time we think back on the experience, and how this can sometimes limit us in the future. This is how phobias develop. We can’t change these experiences, but we can all change how we remember and feel about them.

I asked my friend if there was any experience she had had in life which she felt limited her now. Her response was a memory of being at the top of a tall building. She felt (and a sideways glance at her confirmed) quite anxious about ever repeating the experience. At the time her fear was probably her instinctive self-preservation reflex kicking in and absolutely appropriate. The trouble is, after the event, we go back over it and run a movie of what happened in our minds.

Each time we play the movie we start and stop at the same scene. With each replay our senses enhance the images, so the pictures get bigger and brighter, the sounds clearer and the smells sharper. I asked her to imagine she was watching a movie of her experience, but instead of starting at the same place, to rewind to 15 minutes earlier and finish 10 minutes later. Then I asked her to imagine herself in the movie and running it backwards from the later finish to the earlier start.

When she found herself back at the beginning I asked her to re-run the movie backwards and 10 times faster than before, and then 100 times faster. I then asked her to repeat the backwards movie with some silly music to accompany it. (My suggestion was Benny Hill singing ‘The fastest milkman in the west’.) I could see from her relaxed features and broad smile that the way she remembered the original experience was now different. Finally I asked her to run the movie forwards again, from the early start time to the later finish time and see how different it felt right now. My friend admitted she couldn’t feel the same about future trips up tall buildings.

If anyone wants me to check it out with her, maybe you could send me two tickets to the Eiffel Tower (purely for research purposes of course!). Maybe you can make different movies of your frightening or stressful past experiences and see how differently you feel. A good one for those afraid of spiders is to put clogs on their feet and get them line-dancing to a merry tune in your favourite coloured clothes!

Horses are powerful healers of such experiences. These animals are alive today because they have such an instinctive ability to survive. They do not have memory like us and live entirely in the present moment. They do not imagine what may never happen in the future or distort their present with unpleasant memories. Spending time with the horses teaches us how to be present and look only at what is happening NOW!

One well-known advocate of using horses as healers is Monty Roberts, and this link is to a recent article about his work with soldiers with emotional issues.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2608674/Queens-horse-whisperer-uses-gift-help-heal-broken-heroes-Afghan-war.html

If you’d like to know more or come and try this out, let me know!

Next time you really want to listen…use your eyes!

In our increasingly digital age it’s easy to forget that face-to-face communication is still hugely important in running a business. Whether you are dealing with internal issues or selling your services, excellent communication is vital. Excellent communicators are aware of not only their own, but others’ non-verbal communication.

Improving non-verbal communication was a key focus at a recent Executive Horse Power workshop we held. It was designed to give local businesses a taste of our alternative and highly effective corporate training tool which uses horses to help people understand and hone their own communication skills. This approach known as Equine Assisted Development is just as effective in business as it is with helping those with personal communication issues.

Our experiential training programmes are based on a proven approach in which you interact with our horses in a controlled environment to improve your interpersonal skills. Your interaction with our horses, 'experts in their field' in intuitive and non-verbal communication, will lead you to challenge yourself in powerful and memorable ways.

After an introduction to the principles of equine assisted development, each workshop participant was asked to identify a communications objective they wanted to achieve, which they then worked towards in a facilitated session with the horses, myself and my team of facilitators.

This was followed by a presentation on ‘micro expressions’ by colleague, Steve Adams, another expert in non-verbal communications. There has been much research carried out into facial gestures and it is generally accepted that there is a basic set of seven facial gestures that are cross-cultural. They can be seen in all of humankind, from tribes located in the middle of the Amazon to city dwellers in the UK.

The micro expressions shown by people in everyday conversations can provide some subtle clues as to what the person is really experiencing at an emotional level. For anyone wishing to improve their communication skills, learning to decipher these clues is essential.

Steve Adams

“What makes them really interesting is that micro expressions are, for the most part, very difficult to control at a conscious level,” said Steve at the workshop. “It's like when someone tells you they will give you all the support you need, whilst shaking their head from side-to-side at the same time. Their real message comes from the non-verbal signs, not the words used.”

This brief introduction of some of the theory and applications of non-verbal communication, coupled with reinforcing this learning with the horses, left the workshop participants eager to apply what they’ve learnt the next time they communicate at work and at home.

And of course if you want to know more, please feel free to contact me!

When do you take time to reflect?

Every aspect of my life seems to have been hectic for the last three weeks. As hard and long as I seem to be working there is an ever growing mound of urgent things to do ahead. I was starting to wonder how to deal with all the house, family, work and friends things to do, and if I should get a job as a circus juggler! Earlier today I was choosing to feel really exhausted and then, luckily for me, I got around to the job I needed to do with the horses.

Siloe - my Spanish stallion

I went into the field to check on Perchelera, a mare who is due to foal soon, and Siloe, who has a sore foot. Usually they come to meet me as I go through the gate, except of course today. When I thought I had the least time to spare, both horses went further down the field away from me, heads high and at speed. I felt so tired I just sat down on an up-turned bucket and watched them. The sun had just come out and I watched them for several minutes racing round the field, well away from me.

All of a sudden they slowed to a walk and came together up the field right to where I was perched on my bucket. Siloe even picked up his hoof for examination! I spent a few minutes with each of them, stroking them, and I could feel their warmth, their strength and yet softness. I noticed their breathing was deep and low and regular and their heads were low, Siloe making the occasional low snort as he smelled the grass before he pulled at it.

My mind wandered to what a great life they have. They only have to think about grazing and relaxing and occasionally running from a predator. This made me realise why they had taken off when I first came into the field; I must have looked quite predatory, marching towards them with my shoulders hunched, my breathing heavy, my pulse racing. Distracted by thoughts of all my chores my non-verbal communication screamed STRESS. It’s no wonder they ran, they maybe thought I was out to kill them.

I compared that behaviour with how it was now and how I felt now. Actually I felt much calmer, less tired and time seemed to have stretched out. I was breathing much lower and slower, my heart was no longer racing, and I seemed to be able to think and plan more clearly. I realised that quite a number of tasks would be better left until tomorrow and I could easily achieve all that I needed to do around family and home today. It was a valuable few minutes for me and I thanked the horses for taking the time to teach me a lesson.

Some days I suspect many people feel like I did - exhausted at the thought of all the pressing jobs to do. However, when we take time and reflect, we breathe more easily, think more clearly and renew our energy. So go on - take five minutes every day to reflect! If you would like a complete recharge, come and spend it with the horses.

Tips for preparing for difficult meetings

This week I was asked to chair what I thought might be a difficult meeting. I had already talked to several people who would be attending and some of them had expressed fairly strong emotions on the subject under discussion. I had three days to collect evidence for the meeting and spent the first day talking to different individuals and taking notes. Everyone had a different view and all were displaying a variety of emotions. I term them as stress, suspicion, fear, mistrust, worry and anger. After day one I was feeling pretty stressed at the thought of the meeting and worrying about all the emotions which would be present, and how on earth would we achieve a consensus.

In the small hours of a fairly sleepless night, it dawned on me that I should concentrate on the outcome of the meeting and not on the emotions. Day two consisted of several more emotionally charged interviews, and I decided it would probably be better if everyone, not just me, concentrated on the facts and the outcome rather than how they felt. How could I get them to do that? Sleepless night number two!

On day three I asked several independent professionals to prepare risk assessments for two or three possible outcomes, so I could present these at the meeting as impartial views based on the facts. I felt that by the end of this last day I had done everything I could to ensure the meeting would be constructive. Still feeling a bit apprehensive about my ability to preside over such an event, I thought about a friend who I consider to be brilliant at managing conflict. I would put a call in the next morning and ask for his input. Two hours sleep that night.

Day Four. No answer when I tried to ring and I was nearly out of time. What to do? As I drove down to the meeting a little idea came to mind. What if I imagined I had spoken to my friend? What would he have said and what would he do? There was the answer and so very simple. All I needed to do was model what I had seen my friend do at other meetings. As everyone turned up I detected hunched shoulders, prominent chins and crossed arms. I used very open inviting gestures to everyone and their body language eased. And then I had a further thought and I suggested to everyone that they put themselves in someone else’s shoes and consider the problem from a different perspective.

The effect was instant and the feeling of an up-and-coming battle left the room. Instead there was an energetic and positive flow of constructive ideas from everyone as to how to resolve the conflict. Contrary to my initial expectation, a unanimous agreement was reached, along with a plan for action, in a very short space of time!

So here are some tips for the future for anyone with an important meeting coming up:

1. Concentrate on achieving outcomes instead of relying on a battle of words.
2. Ask everyone attending to do the same.
3. Use open handed gestures and encourage the others to loosen tight shoulders, jaws and crossed arms.
4. Use perceptual positions to get everyone to view the conflict differently. Change places and seating arrangements if necessary. If they sit in a different chair from their usual one they’ll have a different view. Lead this by example and change your place as well!
5. If you remember a conflict meeting which had a good outcome, model the example.
6. Model the behaviour of anyone you have seen effectively managing a conflict.
7. If there aren’t any sides to take, only outcomes to achieve, the whole team channels constructive energy and emotion into getting a result.
8. Support everyone to have their say and thank them for their contribution. You may discover hidden strengths and alternative solutions!