Next time you really want to listen…use your eyes!

In our increasingly digital age it’s easy to forget that face-to-face communication is still hugely important in running a business. Whether you are dealing with internal issues or selling your services, excellent communication is vital. Excellent communicators are aware of not only their own, but others’ non-verbal communication.

Improving non-verbal communication was a key focus at a recent Executive Horse Power workshop we held. It was designed to give local businesses a taste of our alternative and highly effective corporate training tool which uses horses to help people understand and hone their own communication skills. This approach known as Equine Assisted Development is just as effective in business as it is with helping those with personal communication issues.

Our experiential training programmes are based on a proven approach in which you interact with our horses in a controlled environment to improve your interpersonal skills. Your interaction with our horses, 'experts in their field' in intuitive and non-verbal communication, will lead you to challenge yourself in powerful and memorable ways.

After an introduction to the principles of equine assisted development, each workshop participant was asked to identify a communications objective they wanted to achieve, which they then worked towards in a facilitated session with the horses, myself and my team of facilitators.

This was followed by a presentation on ‘micro expressions’ by colleague, Steve Adams, another expert in non-verbal communications. There has been much research carried out into facial gestures and it is generally accepted that there is a basic set of seven facial gestures that are cross-cultural. They can be seen in all of humankind, from tribes located in the middle of the Amazon to city dwellers in the UK.

The micro expressions shown by people in everyday conversations can provide some subtle clues as to what the person is really experiencing at an emotional level. For anyone wishing to improve their communication skills, learning to decipher these clues is essential.

Steve Adams

“What makes them really interesting is that micro expressions are, for the most part, very difficult to control at a conscious level,” said Steve at the workshop. “It's like when someone tells you they will give you all the support you need, whilst shaking their head from side-to-side at the same time. Their real message comes from the non-verbal signs, not the words used.”

This brief introduction of some of the theory and applications of non-verbal communication, coupled with reinforcing this learning with the horses, left the workshop participants eager to apply what they’ve learnt the next time they communicate at work and at home.

And of course if you want to know more, please feel free to contact me!

When do you take time to reflect?

Every aspect of my life seems to have been hectic for the last three weeks. As hard and long as I seem to be working there is an ever growing mound of urgent things to do ahead. I was starting to wonder how to deal with all the house, family, work and friends things to do, and if I should get a job as a circus juggler! Earlier today I was choosing to feel really exhausted and then, luckily for me, I got around to the job I needed to do with the horses.

Siloe - my Spanish stallion

I went into the field to check on Perchelera, a mare who is due to foal soon, and Siloe, who has a sore foot. Usually they come to meet me as I go through the gate, except of course today. When I thought I had the least time to spare, both horses went further down the field away from me, heads high and at speed. I felt so tired I just sat down on an up-turned bucket and watched them. The sun had just come out and I watched them for several minutes racing round the field, well away from me.

All of a sudden they slowed to a walk and came together up the field right to where I was perched on my bucket. Siloe even picked up his hoof for examination! I spent a few minutes with each of them, stroking them, and I could feel their warmth, their strength and yet softness. I noticed their breathing was deep and low and regular and their heads were low, Siloe making the occasional low snort as he smelled the grass before he pulled at it.

My mind wandered to what a great life they have. They only have to think about grazing and relaxing and occasionally running from a predator. This made me realise why they had taken off when I first came into the field; I must have looked quite predatory, marching towards them with my shoulders hunched, my breathing heavy, my pulse racing. Distracted by thoughts of all my chores my non-verbal communication screamed STRESS. It’s no wonder they ran, they maybe thought I was out to kill them.

I compared that behaviour with how it was now and how I felt now. Actually I felt much calmer, less tired and time seemed to have stretched out. I was breathing much lower and slower, my heart was no longer racing, and I seemed to be able to think and plan more clearly. I realised that quite a number of tasks would be better left until tomorrow and I could easily achieve all that I needed to do around family and home today. It was a valuable few minutes for me and I thanked the horses for taking the time to teach me a lesson.

Some days I suspect many people feel like I did - exhausted at the thought of all the pressing jobs to do. However, when we take time and reflect, we breathe more easily, think more clearly and renew our energy. So go on - take five minutes every day to reflect! If you would like a complete recharge, come and spend it with the horses.

Tips for preparing for difficult meetings

This week I was asked to chair what I thought might be a difficult meeting. I had already talked to several people who would be attending and some of them had expressed fairly strong emotions on the subject under discussion. I had three days to collect evidence for the meeting and spent the first day talking to different individuals and taking notes. Everyone had a different view and all were displaying a variety of emotions. I term them as stress, suspicion, fear, mistrust, worry and anger. After day one I was feeling pretty stressed at the thought of the meeting and worrying about all the emotions which would be present, and how on earth would we achieve a consensus.

In the small hours of a fairly sleepless night, it dawned on me that I should concentrate on the outcome of the meeting and not on the emotions. Day two consisted of several more emotionally charged interviews, and I decided it would probably be better if everyone, not just me, concentrated on the facts and the outcome rather than how they felt. How could I get them to do that? Sleepless night number two!

On day three I asked several independent professionals to prepare risk assessments for two or three possible outcomes, so I could present these at the meeting as impartial views based on the facts. I felt that by the end of this last day I had done everything I could to ensure the meeting would be constructive. Still feeling a bit apprehensive about my ability to preside over such an event, I thought about a friend who I consider to be brilliant at managing conflict. I would put a call in the next morning and ask for his input. Two hours sleep that night.

Day Four. No answer when I tried to ring and I was nearly out of time. What to do? As I drove down to the meeting a little idea came to mind. What if I imagined I had spoken to my friend? What would he have said and what would he do? There was the answer and so very simple. All I needed to do was model what I had seen my friend do at other meetings. As everyone turned up I detected hunched shoulders, prominent chins and crossed arms. I used very open inviting gestures to everyone and their body language eased. And then I had a further thought and I suggested to everyone that they put themselves in someone else’s shoes and consider the problem from a different perspective.

The effect was instant and the feeling of an up-and-coming battle left the room. Instead there was an energetic and positive flow of constructive ideas from everyone as to how to resolve the conflict. Contrary to my initial expectation, a unanimous agreement was reached, along with a plan for action, in a very short space of time!

So here are some tips for the future for anyone with an important meeting coming up:

1. Concentrate on achieving outcomes instead of relying on a battle of words.
2. Ask everyone attending to do the same.
3. Use open handed gestures and encourage the others to loosen tight shoulders, jaws and crossed arms.
4. Use perceptual positions to get everyone to view the conflict differently. Change places and seating arrangements if necessary. If they sit in a different chair from their usual one they’ll have a different view. Lead this by example and change your place as well!
5. If you remember a conflict meeting which had a good outcome, model the example.
6. Model the behaviour of anyone you have seen effectively managing a conflict.
7. If there aren’t any sides to take, only outcomes to achieve, the whole team channels constructive energy and emotion into getting a result.
8. Support everyone to have their say and thank them for their contribution. You may discover hidden strengths and alternative solutions!

Boosting Self Esteem

The other day a friend asked me if she could have some tips on boosting self-esteem when we next meet. So, as I was doing one of the mundane jobs of painting one of the log cabins, I pondered what my tips are. First I thought about what self-esteem is, and decided it was how we value ourselves and what we feel we are worth. I realised that sometimes people do or say things to me which make me feel very low in value and which very often I handle badly (‘I’m not worth it!’).

We can’t control what others do or say and a lot of our judgements about ourselves come from what we learn from a very young age; this has a powerful impact on how we value ourselves later in life. Even as a baby one of the first things we learn is our value. When a baby cries, someone comes and comforts them with food, warmth etc. How important are they? Conversely, abused or neglected children very often grow into troubled adulthood because of their learned negative view of themselves. No-one answered their cries, so they feel worthless.)

If we learn how to have a negative view of ourselves, guess what? It’s just as easy to learn how to change it to positive! Like all learning, to assimilate the lessons we have to practise and revise and practise again. Here are some quick ideas to start practising and see how you can increase your self-esteem very rapidly.

• Write down how valued you believe yourself to be right now before reading on.
• Love yourself and tell yourself that everyday. (Sit in front of the mirror and say I love you!)
• Compliment yourself every day. The quickest way to get a compliment is to give one. Tell someone how good they look and they’ll compliment you back.
• When you get a compliment just say thank you and nothing else. All too often we get a compliment and we are dismissive of it because we think we are not worth it. Accept the compliment with a simple thank you.
• Make a list of 30 things you have achieved every day. Some people think that is hard. No it isn’t… Here’s a start 1. Got out of bed 2. Brushed teeth. 3. Read this article ... etc. Just everyday things are of value to your self-worth calculator.
• Set yourself a small target, not a big one. When we set ourselves unreachable goals in a single step we very often fail and then beat ourselves up for it. Achieve the smaller goal and you can pat yourself on the back every day. (Today, instead of setting a target of painting the whole log cabin I set myself the target of one wall. I did it and feel really good about myself.)
• Have fun. Take a look at some of the things you are doing in life to make sure you are enjoying the time spent. Look at the reasons which made you start a project and make sure they are still there. If the joy has gone you will feel negatively about carrying on with the project and worthless or pointless. This decreases your self-esteem.
• Take ownership and responsibility for your life. If you find yourself blaming others for what is happening to you in life, you will feel worthless. Once you own the problem and are responsible (I’m overweight because I eat too much) you will be able to take control of your actions and make changes to succeed. (‘I can cut out eating fats and lose some weight and feel fitter’) – makes you feel important and decisive and valued.
• In 7 days let me know what differences you have noticed.

These are just a few of hundreds of ideas I can discuss with my friend next time we meet. It also occurred to me that I felt valued because she had asked me this question. Maybe, if you see someone who looks as if they need to raise their self-esteem, you could ask them for their help?

It seems to me that raising self-esteem is a bit like getting a hot air balloon into the air. Your opinion of your worth may be stuck on the ground because of the heavy sandbags you have been given right from early childhood. If you look upward and tip out some of the sand - and you can trickle it overboard or chuck the whole bag out at once! - very quickly you will be flying high and feeling valuable. Once you’re in the air, refuse any ballast offered, or tip it overboard if it lands in the basket. 

Horse Sense

By Guest Blogger John Phillips, Msc. PhD. DC.Hyp.

Any pet owner will regale you with tales of how clever their animal is. How, when you are almost home, your partner will tell you how man’s best friend knew before they did of your impending arrival, as your four-legged friend is waiting at the front door to greet you a minute or more before you actually arrived. We have all heard these stories or experienced them ourselves, and although we are convinced of man’s best friend’s extra sensory abilities, we have never been able to prove it.

Until now!

The benefits of inter-species communication are something that horse owners have always known. Scores of studies have shown that the non-verbal communication between horses and humans provides a learning environment that allows the individual to acquire emotional sensitivity, encourage self and social awareness, increase self-confidence, and develop communication skills and management abilities. In a herd, horses establish their positions – including leadership - by the use of body language and other non-verbal cues, with evidence supporting that collaboration with a horse teaches effective leadership competency.

• Alan Hamilton, a horseman and Professor of Neurosurgery at the University of Arizona, developed a programme that used horses to address the difficulty in teaching non-verbal skills to medical students.
• For the past decade, Stanford University medical students, under the direction of Beverly Kane MD, have participated in a programme called Medicine and Horsemanship. Dr Kane currently consults with medical and nursing schools across the US in developing Equine Assisted Learning programmes for their students.
• There are now over seven hundred centres in the US that provide some kind of Equine Assisted Learning programmes.

Most Equine programmes in the UK tend to focus on very specific areas, such as Psychotherapy or children with disabilities. However, an EAD centre at Clyro Hill Farm in Herefordshire is unique, in that they will tailor-make their programme to satisfy the needs of an individual, a large organisation or educational institutions.

They will cater to those who require help with grief or anger issues, have special learning needs or addictions, or require emotional support and an increase in self confidence. They have also worked with adoptive and child fostering committees.

Large organisations will have the advantage of a staff that has experience that encompasses global communications, life coaching, corporate NLP development, certified teaching, conference organising, financial planning, industrial management and school governorship.

The empowering experience of Equine Assisted Development is enjoyable and life-changing. Whether individual, corporate or institutional, it just makes good sense. Horse sense.

How life is evolving at Clyro Hill Farm

Clyro Hill Farm

I thought I would update you with news of what we are up to on top of Clyro Hill. Firstly, as you’ll guess we didn’t quite get blown away! And I think, from watching the news, we got off lightly, with just a few trees down and relatively little damage compared to those on the flood plains. The last few days have really felt like spring has sprung; we have had our first three lambs, and even the daffodils have picked themselves up and decided they’ll start flowering. We have been busy spring-cleaning the lodges ready for our guests and hope we’ll be seeing you again this year.

The horses have been doing their bit too and we are getting busy and booked up with a variety of people coming to do our Equine Assisted Development workshops and days, as well as retreat courses. If you have been following our journey for a few years now you will be interested to take a look at our new websites and what they offer. Please check in to www.emotionalhorsepower.co.uk and www.executivehorsepower.co.uk and feel free to subscribe to this blog. When you want to see it for yourself, please make sure you let us know that you’re an existing customer with the horses, the farm or the lodges and we will give you a special rate!

We are launching our Executive Training on Thursday, 27 March. It is a free event and you are invited to come along and see what it’s all about. We only ask that you will go home and spread the word please! Places are limited so please get in touch asap to reserve your place.

If you have any ideas or thoughts about the limitless applications of this sensory experience, please get in touch.

Here’s to a happy, healthy and dry spring for us all.

Calling all ladies! Did you know?...

Did you know we've been running a personal development group for women for the last 18 months? Come and join us at our March meeting, and find out how it can change your life.