When do you take time to reflect?

Every aspect of my life seems to have been hectic for the last three weeks. As hard and long as I seem to be working there is an ever growing mound of urgent things to do ahead. I was starting to wonder how to deal with all the house, family, work and friends things to do, and if I should get a job as a circus juggler! Earlier today I was choosing to feel really exhausted and then, luckily for me, I got around to the job I needed to do with the horses.

Siloe - my Spanish stallion

I went into the field to check on Perchelera, a mare who is due to foal soon, and Siloe, who has a sore foot. Usually they come to meet me as I go through the gate, except of course today. When I thought I had the least time to spare, both horses went further down the field away from me, heads high and at speed. I felt so tired I just sat down on an up-turned bucket and watched them. The sun had just come out and I watched them for several minutes racing round the field, well away from me.

All of a sudden they slowed to a walk and came together up the field right to where I was perched on my bucket. Siloe even picked up his hoof for examination! I spent a few minutes with each of them, stroking them, and I could feel their warmth, their strength and yet softness. I noticed their breathing was deep and low and regular and their heads were low, Siloe making the occasional low snort as he smelled the grass before he pulled at it.

My mind wandered to what a great life they have. They only have to think about grazing and relaxing and occasionally running from a predator. This made me realise why they had taken off when I first came into the field; I must have looked quite predatory, marching towards them with my shoulders hunched, my breathing heavy, my pulse racing. Distracted by thoughts of all my chores my non-verbal communication screamed STRESS. It’s no wonder they ran, they maybe thought I was out to kill them.

I compared that behaviour with how it was now and how I felt now. Actually I felt much calmer, less tired and time seemed to have stretched out. I was breathing much lower and slower, my heart was no longer racing, and I seemed to be able to think and plan more clearly. I realised that quite a number of tasks would be better left until tomorrow and I could easily achieve all that I needed to do around family and home today. It was a valuable few minutes for me and I thanked the horses for taking the time to teach me a lesson.

Some days I suspect many people feel like I did - exhausted at the thought of all the pressing jobs to do. However, when we take time and reflect, we breathe more easily, think more clearly and renew our energy. So go on - take five minutes every day to reflect! If you would like a complete recharge, come and spend it with the horses.

Tips for preparing for difficult meetings

This week I was asked to chair what I thought might be a difficult meeting. I had already talked to several people who would be attending and some of them had expressed fairly strong emotions on the subject under discussion. I had three days to collect evidence for the meeting and spent the first day talking to different individuals and taking notes. Everyone had a different view and all were displaying a variety of emotions. I term them as stress, suspicion, fear, mistrust, worry and anger. After day one I was feeling pretty stressed at the thought of the meeting and worrying about all the emotions which would be present, and how on earth would we achieve a consensus.

In the small hours of a fairly sleepless night, it dawned on me that I should concentrate on the outcome of the meeting and not on the emotions. Day two consisted of several more emotionally charged interviews, and I decided it would probably be better if everyone, not just me, concentrated on the facts and the outcome rather than how they felt. How could I get them to do that? Sleepless night number two!

On day three I asked several independent professionals to prepare risk assessments for two or three possible outcomes, so I could present these at the meeting as impartial views based on the facts. I felt that by the end of this last day I had done everything I could to ensure the meeting would be constructive. Still feeling a bit apprehensive about my ability to preside over such an event, I thought about a friend who I consider to be brilliant at managing conflict. I would put a call in the next morning and ask for his input. Two hours sleep that night.

Day Four. No answer when I tried to ring and I was nearly out of time. What to do? As I drove down to the meeting a little idea came to mind. What if I imagined I had spoken to my friend? What would he have said and what would he do? There was the answer and so very simple. All I needed to do was model what I had seen my friend do at other meetings. As everyone turned up I detected hunched shoulders, prominent chins and crossed arms. I used very open inviting gestures to everyone and their body language eased. And then I had a further thought and I suggested to everyone that they put themselves in someone else’s shoes and consider the problem from a different perspective.

The effect was instant and the feeling of an up-and-coming battle left the room. Instead there was an energetic and positive flow of constructive ideas from everyone as to how to resolve the conflict. Contrary to my initial expectation, a unanimous agreement was reached, along with a plan for action, in a very short space of time!

So here are some tips for the future for anyone with an important meeting coming up:

1. Concentrate on achieving outcomes instead of relying on a battle of words.
2. Ask everyone attending to do the same.
3. Use open handed gestures and encourage the others to loosen tight shoulders, jaws and crossed arms.
4. Use perceptual positions to get everyone to view the conflict differently. Change places and seating arrangements if necessary. If they sit in a different chair from their usual one they’ll have a different view. Lead this by example and change your place as well!
5. If you remember a conflict meeting which had a good outcome, model the example.
6. Model the behaviour of anyone you have seen effectively managing a conflict.
7. If there aren’t any sides to take, only outcomes to achieve, the whole team channels constructive energy and emotion into getting a result.
8. Support everyone to have their say and thank them for their contribution. You may discover hidden strengths and alternative solutions!

Boosting Self Esteem

The other day a friend asked me if she could have some tips on boosting self-esteem when we next meet. So, as I was doing one of the mundane jobs of painting one of the log cabins, I pondered what my tips are. First I thought about what self-esteem is, and decided it was how we value ourselves and what we feel we are worth. I realised that sometimes people do or say things to me which make me feel very low in value and which very often I handle badly (‘I’m not worth it!’).

We can’t control what others do or say and a lot of our judgements about ourselves come from what we learn from a very young age; this has a powerful impact on how we value ourselves later in life. Even as a baby one of the first things we learn is our value. When a baby cries, someone comes and comforts them with food, warmth etc. How important are they? Conversely, abused or neglected children very often grow into troubled adulthood because of their learned negative view of themselves. No-one answered their cries, so they feel worthless.)

If we learn how to have a negative view of ourselves, guess what? It’s just as easy to learn how to change it to positive! Like all learning, to assimilate the lessons we have to practise and revise and practise again. Here are some quick ideas to start practising and see how you can increase your self-esteem very rapidly.

• Write down how valued you believe yourself to be right now before reading on.
• Love yourself and tell yourself that everyday. (Sit in front of the mirror and say I love you!)
• Compliment yourself every day. The quickest way to get a compliment is to give one. Tell someone how good they look and they’ll compliment you back.
• When you get a compliment just say thank you and nothing else. All too often we get a compliment and we are dismissive of it because we think we are not worth it. Accept the compliment with a simple thank you.
• Make a list of 30 things you have achieved every day. Some people think that is hard. No it isn’t… Here’s a start 1. Got out of bed 2. Brushed teeth. 3. Read this article ... etc. Just everyday things are of value to your self-worth calculator.
• Set yourself a small target, not a big one. When we set ourselves unreachable goals in a single step we very often fail and then beat ourselves up for it. Achieve the smaller goal and you can pat yourself on the back every day. (Today, instead of setting a target of painting the whole log cabin I set myself the target of one wall. I did it and feel really good about myself.)
• Have fun. Take a look at some of the things you are doing in life to make sure you are enjoying the time spent. Look at the reasons which made you start a project and make sure they are still there. If the joy has gone you will feel negatively about carrying on with the project and worthless or pointless. This decreases your self-esteem.
• Take ownership and responsibility for your life. If you find yourself blaming others for what is happening to you in life, you will feel worthless. Once you own the problem and are responsible (I’m overweight because I eat too much) you will be able to take control of your actions and make changes to succeed. (‘I can cut out eating fats and lose some weight and feel fitter’) – makes you feel important and decisive and valued.
• In 7 days let me know what differences you have noticed.

These are just a few of hundreds of ideas I can discuss with my friend next time we meet. It also occurred to me that I felt valued because she had asked me this question. Maybe, if you see someone who looks as if they need to raise their self-esteem, you could ask them for their help?

It seems to me that raising self-esteem is a bit like getting a hot air balloon into the air. Your opinion of your worth may be stuck on the ground because of the heavy sandbags you have been given right from early childhood. If you look upward and tip out some of the sand - and you can trickle it overboard or chuck the whole bag out at once! - very quickly you will be flying high and feeling valuable. Once you’re in the air, refuse any ballast offered, or tip it overboard if it lands in the basket. 

Horse Sense

By Guest Blogger John Phillips, Msc. PhD. DC.Hyp.

Any pet owner will regale you with tales of how clever their animal is. How, when you are almost home, your partner will tell you how man’s best friend knew before they did of your impending arrival, as your four-legged friend is waiting at the front door to greet you a minute or more before you actually arrived. We have all heard these stories or experienced them ourselves, and although we are convinced of man’s best friend’s extra sensory abilities, we have never been able to prove it.

Until now!

The benefits of inter-species communication are something that horse owners have always known. Scores of studies have shown that the non-verbal communication between horses and humans provides a learning environment that allows the individual to acquire emotional sensitivity, encourage self and social awareness, increase self-confidence, and develop communication skills and management abilities. In a herd, horses establish their positions – including leadership - by the use of body language and other non-verbal cues, with evidence supporting that collaboration with a horse teaches effective leadership competency.

• Alan Hamilton, a horseman and Professor of Neurosurgery at the University of Arizona, developed a programme that used horses to address the difficulty in teaching non-verbal skills to medical students.
• For the past decade, Stanford University medical students, under the direction of Beverly Kane MD, have participated in a programme called Medicine and Horsemanship. Dr Kane currently consults with medical and nursing schools across the US in developing Equine Assisted Learning programmes for their students.
• There are now over seven hundred centres in the US that provide some kind of Equine Assisted Learning programmes.

Most Equine programmes in the UK tend to focus on very specific areas, such as Psychotherapy or children with disabilities. However, an EAD centre at Clyro Hill Farm in Herefordshire is unique, in that they will tailor-make their programme to satisfy the needs of an individual, a large organisation or educational institutions.

They will cater to those who require help with grief or anger issues, have special learning needs or addictions, or require emotional support and an increase in self confidence. They have also worked with adoptive and child fostering committees.

Large organisations will have the advantage of a staff that has experience that encompasses global communications, life coaching, corporate NLP development, certified teaching, conference organising, financial planning, industrial management and school governorship.

The empowering experience of Equine Assisted Development is enjoyable and life-changing. Whether individual, corporate or institutional, it just makes good sense. Horse sense.

How life is evolving at Clyro Hill Farm

Clyro Hill Farm

I thought I would update you with news of what we are up to on top of Clyro Hill. Firstly, as you’ll guess we didn’t quite get blown away! And I think, from watching the news, we got off lightly, with just a few trees down and relatively little damage compared to those on the flood plains. The last few days have really felt like spring has sprung; we have had our first three lambs, and even the daffodils have picked themselves up and decided they’ll start flowering. We have been busy spring-cleaning the lodges ready for our guests and hope we’ll be seeing you again this year.

The horses have been doing their bit too and we are getting busy and booked up with a variety of people coming to do our Equine Assisted Development workshops and days, as well as retreat courses. If you have been following our journey for a few years now you will be interested to take a look at our new websites and what they offer. Please check in to www.emotionalhorsepower.co.uk and www.executivehorsepower.co.uk and feel free to subscribe to this blog. When you want to see it for yourself, please make sure you let us know that you’re an existing customer with the horses, the farm or the lodges and we will give you a special rate!

We are launching our Executive Training on Thursday, 27 March. It is a free event and you are invited to come along and see what it’s all about. We only ask that you will go home and spread the word please! Places are limited so please get in touch asap to reserve your place.

If you have any ideas or thoughts about the limitless applications of this sensory experience, please get in touch.

Here’s to a happy, healthy and dry spring for us all.

Calling all ladies! Did you know?...

Did you know we've been running a personal development group for women for the last 18 months? Come and join us at our March meeting, and find out how it can change your life.

Staying Motivated When You Are Overloaded

We all have days where we feel completely overwhelmed with our workload, we arrive in the morning welcomed by mounds of work that get us completely demotivated before we start the day.

We've fallen victim to this vicious cycle too many times during our working lives. It’s one of those things you are difficult escape. Some days will be absolutely chaotic when the end is never in sight and the work continues to pile up and others are smooth sailing and an absolute dream.

Organise Your Desk

Chances are you've walked into your office and your desk is just piled high with paperwork, somewhere under there is your computer keyboard which you need to find to get the important reports done and check your emails.

A great motivational tip is to get organised. When you first arrive at your office, or better still at the end of the day, take a few minutes to organise your desk. Put the piles of paperwork into order; get the filing away to clear the clutter so that your keyboard is available for use.

Getting the papers off your desk and neatly into in-trays will make a huge difference to the way you work. You can even prioritise your paperwork, which is the next step to staying motivated.

A clean desk is a clean slate, leaving you ready to challenge the chaotic day ahead.


Prioritise

When you feel overloaded and overwhelmed, the best way to manage that is to prioritise your work. You will notice when listing the work you need to get through that not everything is urgent and needs to get done right now, giving you the opportunity to leave it until later. Indeed, some tasks that were on your list maybe don’t have to be done at all!

Prioritising is such an important part of staying motivated. If you have a clear list of what needs to get done in order of urgency, you can work your way through the list feeling achievement as each job is completed in a timely manner.

I always suggest with urgent tasks, put the harder ones first, completing the harder tasks first gets them out of the way enabling you to get on with the easier ones. I’ve always found this a great way to get my jobs done when they just keep piling up and there never seems to be an end to it all.


Delegate

Learning the art of delegation doesn't come naturally to many people, but when you are in a position where you cannot handle your workload; there may be times when smaller and easier tasks can be delegated to someone else.

This takes some of the stress off yourself, whether it’s a stats spreadsheet that need to be sent off or a few brochures that need to be posted, these are simple tasks you can easily pass onto another colleague who has some spare time on their hands to help you out.


Breaks

I cannot stress the importance of taking breaks enough. I have been guilty of shoving a sandwich down my throat whilst manically typing away with one hand. I think we all have done this when we’re overloaded, but surprisingly I soon learned that by taking breaks meant I was more productive.

If your workload for today is too much to complete, I'm not saying take an entire hour for lunch, but a half an hour walk around the office or neighbourhood, or a quiet sit down to eat your lunch is a must.

Getting back to work feeling refreshed will give you motivation to get going again. Often a couple of small five minute breaks during the course of the day can give you the strength to keep on going even when you feel there is no end in sight.

Targets and Rewards

Setting yourself simple targets is a great way to remain motivated. Start with your to-do list and work your way through it, setting small targets such as complete the first five tasks on your list and then you can have a fifteen minute break is a great motivational target that can keep you steaming ahead.

After the five tasks, take your break, have a nice cuppa, enjoy a slice of cake, eat your lunch, phone your friend, whatever the reward is you've offered yourself, do it, before heading onto the next target.

Remaining motivated when things are overwhelming is so difficult and soon we become despondent, which in turn actually reduces your productivity. Remaining focused, setting yourself clear targets and offering yourself rewards is the best way to achieve everything you need to achieve for today.


Stop the Emails

Whilst you can’t stop the phone from ringing, you can stop yourself from constantly checking your emails. I used to do this all the time, which meant my targets would fly out of the window as I found urgent emails that needed responses.

Set yourself times when you can check your emails. This way you can set your targets, be productive and when you do check your email at set times, you can add urgent items to your to-do list.

By doing this you aren't all over the place, you aren't flipping from one job to another, you are getting your head down, being productive, staying motivated and getting through the overload in an organised manner, which in turn leads to success.

-o-

You are in the position of a high-level executive and “with great power comes great responsibility”, but you do need to smile now and again! Smiling when someone walks past your office or having a good laugh with colleagues is a fantastic stress relief and helps boost motivation. Try it now!