We can’t control what others do or say and a lot of our
judgements about ourselves come from what we learn from a very young age; this
has a powerful impact on how we value ourselves later in life. Even as a baby
one of the first things we learn is our value. When a baby cries, someone comes
and comforts them with food, warmth etc. How important are they? Conversely, abused
or neglected children very often grow into troubled adulthood because of their
learned negative view of themselves. No-one answered their cries, so they feel
worthless.)
If we learn how to have a negative view of ourselves, guess
what? It’s just as easy to learn how to change it to positive! Like all
learning, to assimilate the lessons we have to practise and revise and practise
again. Here are some quick ideas to start practising and see how you can
increase your self-esteem very rapidly.
- Write down how valued you believe yourself to be right now before reading on.
- Love yourself and tell yourself that everyday. (Sit in front of the mirror and say I love you!)
- Compliment yourself every day. The quickest way to get a compliment is to give one. Tell someone how good they look and they’ll compliment you back.
- When you get a compliment just say thank you and nothing else. All too often we get a compliment and we are dismissive of it because we think we are not worth it. Accept the compliment with a simple thank you.
- Make a list of 30 things you have achieved every day. Some people think that is hard. No it isn’t… Here’s a start 1. Got out of bed 2. Brushed teeth. 3. Read this article ... etc. Just everyday things are of value to your self-worth calculator.
- Set yourself a small target, not a big one. When we set ourselves unreachable goals in a single step we very often fail and then beat ourselves up for it. Achieve the smaller goal and you can pat yourself on the back every day. (Today, instead of setting a target of painting the whole log cabin I set myself the target of one wall. I did it and feel really good about myself.)
- Have fun. Take a look at some of the things you are doing in life to make sure you are enjoying the time spent. Look at the reasons which made you start a project and make sure they are still there. If the joy has gone you will feel negatively about carrying on with the project and worthless or pointless. This decreases your self-esteem.
- Take ownership and responsibility for your life. If you find yourself blaming others for what is happening to you in life, you will feel worthless. Once you own the problem and are responsible (I’m overweight because I eat too much) you will be able to take control of your actions and make changes to succeed. (‘I can cut out eating fats and lose some weight and feel fitter’) – makes you feel important and decisive and valued.
- In 7 days let me know what differences you have noticed.
These are just a few of hundreds of ideas I can discuss with
my friend next time we meet. It also occurred to me that I felt valued because
she had asked me this question. Maybe, if you see someone who looks as if they
need to raise their self-esteem, you could ask them for their help?
It seems to me that raising self-esteem is a bit like
getting a hot air balloon into the air. Your opinion of your worth may be stuck
on the ground because of the heavy sandbags you have been given right from
early childhood. If you look upward and tip out some of the sand - and you can
trickle it overboard or chuck the whole bag out at once! - very quickly you
will be flying high and feeling valuable. Once you’re in the air, refuse any
ballast offered, or tip it overboard if it lands in the basket.
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