Have you discovered the True You?

Take a step to find the true you

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

Have you found real meaning and purpose in your life? It’s much easier to answer this when you know who you are. By discovering the true you, you have the ability to enjoy a life that is fulfilling, exciting and feels right.

Who is the True You?

When I ask, ‘Who are you?’ it’s not a trick question. In fact, I don’t want to hear about your accomplishments and what you have been through in life. When I ask who you are, I want to know the true you. This is a deep question that asks how well you really know yourself as a person, who you are when you look at your core, the inner you within your body.

Most people really cannot answer this question so if you can’t either, don’t worry, you’re not alone. If you look back to when you were younger, you were likely to be asked, “What do you want to be when you’re older?” You weren’t asked, “Who do you want to be?” So a role you may have now is different from you as a person.

If you haven’t found yourself yet or are not sure who you are, it’s almost impossible to align your life when it comes to the true you. And working to harmonise your environment with your passions and values can be exceptionally hard when you haven’t discovered the true you.

Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it. - Buddha

Finding the true you isn’t about a final destination or how you progress, it’s what feels right to you. Following your aspirations can help you reveal the true you and you get to know yourself better as you move forward. The good news is that everyone else can get to know the true you too. It’s not that hard to achieve. Living it makes you feel alive.

You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously. - Steve Maraboli

If you want to find the true you, why not join me at Clyro Hill Farm this weekend?

https://enhanceworld.wufoo.eu/forms/discover-the-true-you-1st-november-2014/

Are you aware of the power of non-verbal communication?

A French student came to stay with us for two weeks this summer and her understanding of English when she arrived was about the same as my French – limited! As we began to try to communicate I became aware of how intently I was listening to her and observing her; it wasn’t just about verbal communication - she was fairly shy – it was about all the things she wasn’t saying but doing.

How did I ‘know‘ she was shy? I deduced it from the way she looked at me, the way she moved her hands and tapped her foot when she spoke. And though all these signals were miniscule, I realised that for every group of gestures and expressions she made, I could interpret them as easily as if she had spoken words I understood. And if I was reading her micro expressions, then she could read mine as well.

For the first few days, instead of relying on Google Translate, I concentrated on exaggerating my non-verbal signals to match whatever I was saying in English. Our young French visitor caught on like wild fire and we began conversing in English and understanding each other, although part of this was rather like a stage play sometimes. After four days I could tell when we hit a word she didn’t understand simply by the fleeting muscle movement in her face.

Each day we also spent time with the horses and it was fascinating to observe her communicating with them and them with her. As their whole world is non-verbal they were quick to understand and respond to our visitor. Every day we went for a ride and I noticed that after a just a few hundred yards on horseback she was gaining confidence, and becoming much more verbal and fluent in the English language.

Good communication is partly about listening and observing, and these skills can come into play in the most unexpected places. For our French student, exaggerating non-verbal language improved our communications as well as giving her more confidence. And when she communicated with the horses it was just the same – words were redundant, so interpretation of non-verbal communication became of paramount importance; yet she did it quickly and easily. It’s amazing how much we all subconsciously pick up on non-verbals and accurately interpret them at a much faster rate than we do words.

You may not think this is relevant to you as might not have to engage with non-English speakers. But the next time you are having a difficult conversation, maybe at work or socially, imagine that person does not speak or understand you verbally. You may find that non-verbal communication is an easier conversation!

These skills are innate, but they can be honed. If you want to know more about improving your non-verbal communication, please give me a call.

Time is Life!

I have just experienced a sharp reminder. You may be like me and were always told that time is money. No – wrong - it isn’t. If you think about it you can always get more money by working overtime, doing odd jobs, even borrowing it. But you can’t ever get more time. Once time is spent it is gone forever.

Our son, Penry, was 15 this week and time-wise it seems like a few minutes since the day he was born. I wondered how all that time has gone by so quickly, and remembered all the occasions when I have deferred giving him my time and attention. Well - I didn’t go through ALL of them, because after thinking of a few I decided I needed to make changes and stop myself saying, “I’ll be with you in a few minutes”. These few minutes invariably extend to a few hours, or even days, and I find I have spent time doing ‘stuff’, which appeared more important than giving time to Penry.

I find that a very valuable tool to use to give myself more time is to focus. By focusing our energy on one thing we will get more from it.

Yesterday I shifted my focus from the job I was doing, on which I needed to spend a ‘few more minutes’, to Penry, and spending that time with him. As a result different avenues opened up and we spent quality time together as well as helped each other with homework and chores.

For you it may be that you need more time for work, for rest, or for holiday. Whatever it is, change your focus and you will find that a number of new options will present themselves. Don’t zoom in on just the small pieces of the jigsaw, focus on the big picture of what you want to achieve, and you will find you manage your time better. How you then spend that time is up to you!

For more information please give me a call – 01497 820520.

Shine your Light - How to illuminate the shadows of your fears

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? ... Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do ... It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

A while ago I read this quote and felt a strange pull in my stomach. I printed it out and stuck it in my letter rack on my desk. Frequently, when I am rooting about amongst my paperwork, this piece drops onto the desk in front of me and I read it again, before popping it back in the rack! I have to admit it has taken me a while to admit to myself, and now to you, that this is true and it is a fear for me.

It is also a fact that if we focus on something we get more of it, so by concentrating on fear we become more fearful. How to overcome fear? Concentrate on an alternative! I choose to concentrate on JOY. What gives me joy, how can I get more joy in my life and what gives me joy every day? My family, my work and play with the horses, my friends and my work relationships are all joyful experiences for me. I get joy from coaching and supporting businesses and shining my light on people from all walks of life to achieve their personal goals.

Working on how I can shine my light more, has led me to develop my ‘Step Forward to Success’ programme. I believe with this programme I can help many of you to shine and I will be letting my own light shine!

In attempting to achieve goals in life, whether personal or business ones, I believe it is better to take small steps towards them, rather take than one big leap and maybe miss the target completely. My Step Forward to Success programme is designed to help you to define your goals and set a realistic plan, overcome your fear of failure and shine your light.

For a minimal time investment you gain a clear focus, a timescale to work to, and a guiding and encouraging hand along the way.

So, as Marianne Williamson says, if it’s your light that frightens you and you want to join me for a sure fire way of overcoming your fear, get in touch! For more information please give me a call – 01497 820520.

Are you true to yourself? If not, what’s holding you back?

Over the last couple of weeks I have been talking to a number of people who are pondering their future, both in business and their personal life choices. The word I would use to describe their thinking is indecisiveness. As I listened to and observed their verbal and non-verbal cues I wondered, ‘Are you being true to yourself?’. What was telling me they weren’t and what was the reason?

Further discussions led to the discovery that, in all but one case, these people didn’t have a plan or a material goal and were having difficulty imagining their future and what it would look like. They all knew what they didn’t want and only a couple had a vague idea of what they wanted to achieve but with no timescale.

This brings me back to the ‘Be true to yourself‘ idea. Often we don’t have a specific objective to plan for and this is an ideal time to ask ourselves, ‘Who is the true me? What would the best that I can be look like and feel like?’

One way to access this truth is to write down words that describe your ideal self to help to build a picture of where you ideally want to be. It may be that you need to revisit a past experience and renew that memory, or it may be you want to make changes you haven’t experienced before, or both. If it is a feeling from the past pull it forward to ‘now’. Specifically focus on the positive emotions and energy - joy, excitement, love, anticipation, vigour, security - attached to the memory.

Next think about where in your mind the future is. Is it in front of you, or behind you, or to one side? Close your eyes and look in the direction of your future and project the image and feelings of the true you towards that direction. Check in and make sure the image is perfectly you and in your mind walk towards your true self. As you walk notice the colours, temperature, texture and sounds of that image and how the true you feels. Take snapshots as you go to capture the whole experience. Keep travelling forward to your future and keep your true self-image just in front of you. Now even if you don’t have a physical goal you have an emotional experience to enjoy.

Make a habit of spending a few minutes on a regular basis to check in with your future ‘true to self’ image and experience the emotion and energy. You will soon discover there’s nothing holding you back!

I have a range of tips and techniques to help people raise their self-awareness, understand their true self, focus on their objectives and achieve their personal and business goals. For more information please give me a call – 01497 820520.

Will an empathic object replace the need for Emotional Intelligence?

A friend sent me this link to an interesting idea which was demonstrated in Tel Aviv Israel in April (click here to watch the video). Kip1 is a little robot which monitors the tone of voices during interactions. The object doesn’t recognise words, but reacts to an aggressive tone of voice by shrinking and shivering away from the sound and growing relaxed when the tone calms. Its third state is curiosity and will extend its neck to “listen” to what is going on around it.

Kip1 and a curious cat

Is this the best way that we can improve the impact of our communication with others? Maybe taking that little gismo into a business meeting with a client would prove an interesting talking point, but would it really help in a conflict resolution situation? And would it fit in my briefcase or handbag? Not the most convenient tool and probably a fairly costly option.

I am more minded to grow my Emotional Intelligence (EI), which I carry internally to whatever business or other interaction I have anywhere in the world with another human. We have EI with us at all times, can use it instinctively and it is free! So what is it?

Daniel Goleman described Emotional Intelligence as:  “The capacity for recognising our own feelings and those in others, for motivating ourselves, for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.”

The core components for being Emotionally Intelligent are: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. Being aware of how we communicate with others, our own levels of self-confidence, what triggers us and how to manage our own behaviours, inevitably leads to us approaching our interactions with others in a much more consistent, empathetic way. A heightened sense of our own self-awareness enables us to avoid arguments and concentrate our energy on outcomes, before we get into conflict with others.

If we were to rely on a robot to tell us how we are communicating, by the time it crumbles and quakes it may well be too late to modify our tone and body language and rescue that sales pitch or difficult meeting!

Knowing ourselves is an important first step to recognising emotions in others and how our behaviours can have a major influence in achieving the outcomes we desire. By learning to recognise our own tone of voice and body language, we become aware of what we can do to avoid conflict and achieve the outcomes we want.

So go on, give it a whirl. Start building your self-awareness and your self-confidence will be boosted - and you’ll see how it can change your relationships with others!

Give me a call on 01497 820520 to find out how I can help you to improve and develop your emotional intelligence.

Raising business profiles – are you KISS-ing with confidence?

I spent some time at the nearby Hay Literature Festival (www.hayfestival.com) last week. The weather was appalling and all the usual fields used for car parking were a muddy quagmire. Instead we parked in the outlying villages and caught the shuttle bus (a rare event round here) into Hay.

Whilst sitting on the bus I was chatting to a friend about my own business and how I could improve and develop it. To my mind any successful business is based on a few very simple ground rules. With so much information coming in to and at us through so many different channels, and with so little time to sort out the wheat from the chaff, the KISS principle seems more relevant than ever. And what is that? Keep It Simple and Straightforward.

We all want to sell more, at higher prices, and with lower costs. We can increase our turnover by appealing to others’ emotions, and applying our own values to our business. Most importantly we should treat our customers as we would like to be treated.

Below are some simple and straightforward ideas for achieving that, which I believe hold good for everyone.

• Whatever your business is, make sure it’s for the customer’s benefit. Your service is there to take their problems away and make them feel good.
• Tell a good story about your business. If you aren’t being heard, tell a better story and check you are talking to the right person - make sure it’s the person who can make a decision. If you still aren’t heard maybe you need to change the product or service, or the time isn’t right.
• People buy from people – make sure you represent your product or service with integrity. You will achieve the best results when the business you are in fits with your values and beliefs. Check in with yourself. Do you love doing what you are doing?
• People make buying decisions based on their emotions not just the rational!
• Make their experience memorable and distinctive. I send a lump of sugar or a handful of hay to all the clients who book an equine assisted development workshop, and ask them to bring it along when they attend. It piques their interest.
• Make choices and review products and services regularly to ensure you continue to focus on the benefits to your clients.
• And keep telling and evolving your story. Imagine you have one minute to explain your business or offer concisely but comprehensively, and distil it down to its very essence.

Give me a call on 01497 820520 to find out how I can help you and your business to improve and develop.